The Brothers (#s 1,2 and 4) have been affected by #3’s accident as much as I have. Now, they’ve all 3 had work and such, so haven’t been able to be with him as much as they’d said they wanted to, and it has been upsetting and discombobulating to have their hyperactive and bossy brother in such a state. Since they each live in a different town from each other and from me, they also haven’t had the constant emotional support that is kind of necessary in this sort of situation…except they sort of have. Thanks to modern electronics and the internet, they can communicate back and forth. Thanks for modern transportation, they can get together regularly (when work schedules allow). It is heartwarming to now that they are looking out for each other. I have kind of stepped back, trying to keep from being Mommy, but also calling and texting regularly (refer to the “live in different towns”) to see how they’re doing. They seem to be ok…though life can be difficult when you’re still working out the details of it.
I have always marveled at how different they are from each other. Personality, likes and dislikes, how they handle things…all 4 of them do things differently from each other, and yet, (especially now that they’re grown men) they care for and about each other in that way every parent hopes to see with their children. There were times when they were growing up that they didn’t get along, all those personality differences…but now, even with that, they obviously care deeply for each other, and seek to help each other in the ways their particular personalities allow.
Knowing that we raised these young men who love each other, are compassionate toward others, generous in their own particular ways, talented, all those good things, makes me proud to be their Mom. I know I’m not perfect, there’s things I wish I’d done differently when they were younger (what parent doesn’t have regrets?). When I see them looking out for each other, helping each other with whatever it is they need, that makes me smile. I struggle sometimes (ok…more than that…) with wanting to swoop in and fix whatever they’re dealing with. When I know one of them is dealing with something difficult, wanting to fix it is the first impulse. However, fixing everything so their life is easy also denies them the opportunity for growing, for figuring out how to solve the problem on their own, and that doesn’t actually help them. Sure is hard, sometimes, though. However, seeing the personal sense of accomplishment, and the pride they have when they solve the problem on their own, is worth it.
I’ve written almost exclusively about #3 in the past month. He’s been the biggest source of drama. But #1, 2, and 4 are still here, still doing their lives, and just as affected as I have been. They worry as much as I do, but still have to work, study, pay bills, and all that. I have thought about each of them while this has gone on, and fretted about something as dramatic happening to one of them. Could I handle it? (probably….though it wouldn’t be pretty). I pray for God’s protection over each one of them every day.
I am very proud of each of them. Not because of anything I did, but because of how they are now. How they handle a crisis, how they look after each other, how they manage to figure out what is best for themselves. They’re grown men now and their lives are their own. My job raising them is done (has been for a long time). Being able to see them as compassionate men who care for the well-being of others, that means the world to me.