Does this picture make me look stupid?

Oh, the curiosity of online dating.  Dating is so different from 35 years ago, when I would go out with someone after getting to know him due to similar circumstances (in the same organization, working together for a while, that sort of thing).  It’s different when your 52, instead of 20.  EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT…even how I feel about it. All of it is different.

And…there’s landmines around which one must tread carefully.  But the scammer types, the ones who are trying to do whatever it is they’re trying to do…they’re so stinkin’ obvious about it…to me, at least. Talking talking, flurry of emails full of compliments and WOW YOU’R SO INTERESTING… and gradually get more personal and sweeter and start in with the endearments like “oh sweetheart, you seem to be exactly what I’m wanting” and “Oh this is amazing I hope I don’t do anything to screw this up” and yet, there’s no real personal information there.

Oh! You’re a contractor? What’s your current job? Answered with a flurry of vague “have to go talk to my workers now I’ll get back with you later”

The most recent one…he had to go to Dubai (it’s always Dubai…) for a final job… Because Dubai is going to hire a private contractor to build a bridge and road…and he will be there 2 weeks because that’s how long it takes…


His final email said something along the lines of “Oh darling, would you please UPS me some sunscreen and cookies because I don’t have anything to eat and everything is in Arabic here”

ummmmmmmmm. no. But I will google a bunch of pharmacies in Dubai that carry everything in English so go get your own damn cookies.  Asshole.

Image result for do i look stupid to you

But no! What about the one in a nearby town?  He seems nice! But still vague. And strangely, the town of about 5000, where his business is apparently based, has no record of his existence…sooo….hmmmmmm…I wrote him a terse letter as well, telling him that unless he could provide compelling evidence he actually exists as he says he does, he can take a short step off a tall cliff.

But…what about the most recent one? We talked on the phone and he asked “so, how’s the online dating thing going?” And I told him. And he said

OK! Here’s my address, you have my phone number, my cars are (this) and (that) and if you want to send your sons over to check me out I’d be happy to have them. You see, (he said) I am a retired police officer, and have dealt with scammers and their mess, so I want you to be comfortable with me.

Then he said the “widow” word on my status was a magnet for those types. I reassured him that even though I am a widow, I am competent and well-armed. (HA!) as well as fairly smart. I have not given away any really personal information except my phone number to him and Moneybags (who I scared off with a brief discussion of the arsenal). He doesn’t even know my last name or address yet.

Well that’s certainly refreshing.  We’re still going to meet in a public place for coffee, though.

So why did I give him my number? I had an epiphany. First of all, he gave me his number first. And email address. I still felt cagey about it all. Then, #4 came home and said he got a girl’s number at a party. That marinated in my brain for a bit and I thought OH!…that’s how it’s done! And this guy gave me his number and I essentially called him a “stalker until proven otherwise” which is kind of rude, really.

So I sent him a text message, apologizing for responding weird, and said he could call me. Which he did, and we talked for about an hour. Which was really nice. So, we’re going to meet for coffee, or a coke, or something…next Saturday. And he didn’t say a single thing about dumping his girlfriend because she hit menopause, so he’s already one up on Moneybags from the other day.

So for now, we’ll see if we can be friends, since he’s not a contractor on his way to Dubai.

At this point, the online dating thing has become a psychological exercise. I wish I were working on a PhD and could make this some sort of dissertation because it’s kind of fun, since my boundaries are thick.


About rootietoot

I do what I can.
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6 Responses to Does this picture make me look stupid?

  1. jerseechik says:

    Sending #4 and/or Peaches over to check him out seems smart. Waiting a week to get together sounds lovely. How about visiting his church with him or him visiting yours?

  2. Barbara says:

    More power to you 🙂 You do NOT want to see the blogs I wrote during my days with that nightmare.

    • Barbara says:

      Years, rather…

    • rootietoot says:

      While i know that most of them probably won’t work out AT ALL, I am trying to remain aware that I will make plenty of mistakes as well, and might even seem like a bag of nuts to some of them. If nothing else, this is becoming a real learning experience for me, on how to handle varying situations, in diplomacy (Himself always said I was seriously lacking in that area), and in patience (also lacking there). I remain confident that if God instends me to have another husband, He will make that abundantly clear. In the mean time….

  3. Barbara says:

    Oh yes, it is definitely a learning experience. Some people have good experiences with online dating, but I’m not one of them. Your graphic and your comments bring back many cringes from having written basically the same things…and more…10, 11, 12 years ago. Going through those sentiments once is interesting but seeing and dealing with it over and over and over again does something to a person that isn’t good. Up until a couple years ago I would dip a toe back in once in a blue moon (but not a secular site anymore), but even then a pool of middle aged divorced men is a shark tank and i would pull it back out bloody within a day or two….or I found myself having to constantly repent of being uncharitable in my assessment of them because of all the whining I just wanted to offer them all a Midol.

    Word to the wise – no man worth his salt will mind your investigating him. Besides googling his name, you can google his email address, his email handle and any screen names you pick up on him using (including his dating profile screen name). I found a hidden-away-wife on there along with 7 other girlfriends who also had known nothing of her – one was the daughter of a cop and had moved fro Boston to Ft Campbell to be close to him where he told her he was stationed – he had even met her father and pulled the wool over him). With your blog, if you ever give them the web address and they read it you can pick up their IP address and see where they are visiting from (if you use StatCounter or SiteMeter or something like that – I found one who was supposed to be back in South Korea but really wasn’t, that’s when I dug around and found his posting on a Harley website about having just visited Savannah Harley with his wife). I’ve learned to dig around, sometimes they’ll have a nice clean profile up on ChristianMingle and and then something else entirely showing up on a site that I’ll not name here but which is not so nice and not so clean. Sometimes they give just enough info in their profile to be able to find them on Facebook (especially if their workplace has a website – I was hit up by a man in the area once on ChristianMingle and it didn’t take but about 5 minutes of digging around to find him – and his loving wife – on Facebook). And make sure to look them up in the sex offender registry. I’ve run into a few that have shown up there too.

    I say this not to scare you…but then maybe to just instill a healthy fear – there are some extremely good liars out there, many can put you at ease, be oh so very very careful….

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