2 steps forward, one step sideways

…or maybe back…no, not really back. Just sideways.

Independence Day was Himself’s favorite holiday. Loud noises, grilled food, patriotic celebrations. He loved this country and with all it’s flaws, celebrated living here.  He said, since we had no daughters, that he knew our kids would be spending the major holidays with the wive’s families. That’s how it happens. Once someone gets married, the big ones tend to be at her family- Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter…and he and I would have to find our own way those days. No big deal, We Had Plans.  He was going to claim Independence Day as the one day that would be ours. Family Reunion Day, with everyone here, massive grill-out and grandkids blowing things up in the front yard. He had visions of sitting on the front porch in our rockers, benevolently supervising while sons grill the meats and daughter-in-law arrange the bowls of potato salad and cole slaw on the rows of picnic tables.  He had it all worked out, this idyllic scenario…Coleman coolers of sodas and beer, pitchers of iced tea, someone having to run up to the store now and then to get another bag of ice. Babies. All worked out and it was going to be Perfect.

Well, we all know how that’s working out.  Yesterday was kind of…not that at all. And I missed him. I know #4 did as well. He said as much and had to leave the house to spend time with his brothers. For all I know they all missed him, but #4 was the only one who said anything. I spent most of the day with a friend. We had brunch (mimosas!) and went to see Wonder Woman, and then a nice long girl-chat. I came home to #4 griping that I wasn’t grilling anything, so he and I scrounged up chicken and corn on the cob, and #2 found some sad potatoes and made a potato salad. Together the 3 of us cobbled together a semblance of a July 4 meal, and then they left. I got a text apology from one of them for abandoning me, but I understood. I’m not the only one feeling the loss around here.

Today feels heavy with the loss, but I’ll be fine. In a little while I’m going into town to help tend some children. Hopefully there will be a baby there I can squish, but if not, there will be others to play with. Little kids just want to play and be loved, and I can do that. Then there will be the ubiquitous schoolwork, which is stellar at gettting my mind out of the gloom.  I am helping to write a Manager’s Training Manual, and today the work involves how to work with Unions and Other Protected Groups. I haven’t even started the research on that, but Google Is My Friend.

So, that’s today, folks. July 5, and a whole different form of independence. It’s unwelcome, but I have to deal with it, because it’s reality.


About rootietoot

I do what I can.
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3 Responses to 2 steps forward, one step sideways

  1. pheenobarbidoll says:

    Sometimes it’s just shitty and there’s nothing else you can say about it. I’m sorry.

  2. Bella Rum says:

    You’ve made such strides toward independence, but I’m sorry that the holidays are still so hard at times.

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