the flight path maintained by an aircraft awaiting permission to land.a state or period of no progress or change.
I hate waiting. When I make a decision, I want to act on it immediately. I knew once the dust had settled, I’d want to get crackin’ and move on. About 3 months after Himself died, I was anxious, twitchy, and ready to pack up all my stuff and the dogs and go. I’d picked out a double-wide that could be parked at my parent’s place. I could be there in a month.
No, said Dad. I want you to have a solid house.
Wait, be patient.
Really it’s better this way, giving #4 a chance to finish his schooling at a place he loves with people who are like family. It’s given all of us a chance to heal up a bit, spend time with each other when we need it. If I weren’t here, I wouldn’t be here (that’s right, Captain Obvious, but you know what I mean…BE here for the sons who lost their father. It’s not all about me, even when I selfishly think it is.)
Holding patterns happen for a reason. We aren’t just sitting on our hands with nothing going on. Think about when you plant a garden. You stick a seed or a little plant in the dirt, pour some water on it, and go do the laundry. And wait. And wait. You don’t stick a seed in the ground and go out the next day to pick the peas. Only mushrooms pop up overnight but they aren’t even plants (one more excuse why I won’t eat them) (along with “the deadly ones look just like the edible ones”). We’re meant to wait. God made the world in a way that we are
forced required to do it. ( But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. 2 Peter 3:8) I have, in the past and surely will in the future, prayed “Dear God, Give me patience, please! RIGHT NOW!”
No, right now is The Holding Pattern. I remember going through them many times and so can recognize it. I remember going through one 3-4 years ago, and saying to God “Ok, I know you’re preparing us for something dramatic, so thank you for this time to breathe for a bit.” Whoof, little did I know oh BOY was He preparing us. It’s probably why it takes 9 months to grow a baby, instead of conceiving then popping one out 2 weeks later.
There’s a legal thing called “Year’s Support” that came around a long time ago. My attorney told me about it, and implemented it for me. It’s a thing for widows, that protects all the assets for a year, in the event of creditor barking at the doors when household income is lost due to the demise of the income-earner. The intention is to buy the widow a year to get her act together (or, in the case of 200 years ago, find another husband to support her). It’s nice that the legal system has a way of protecting someone who’s so completely gobsmacked by life that barking creditors would likely send her completely over the edge. That was a comforting cushion in the beginnings of the holding pattern, during a time when I couldn’t even decide what to wear, let alone who to pay what and when.
Now, while I recognize the need for the current holding pattern (#3 is 3 months from graduating, I am 5 months from it), and there’s work to be done prior to moving (the house is lacking a porch and interior cabinetry) (and so. much. purging. here.) (oh and the yard. Ugh.), I am chapping at the thought.
Dear Lord, may I please just land this plane and get off? Yesterday I made the metaphor that I feel like I’m fixing to move to a new country and start over with a completely new life. Well, ok then, I’m at the airport, and can look down and see the trees and the customs agents, but am still flying in circles waiting for the terminal to clear. Land the damn plane, already. I’m sick of tiny bags of pretzels and a dixie cup of Coke. The staff, while pleasant and professional, are looking weary and the (dog) in the seat next to me smells funny and keeps farting.
I am trying to be patient, really I am. If I can focus on today, and quit thinking about 6 months from now, surely I can manage, but seriously.