It isn’t what it isn’t

It’s Midsummer, and it’s hot. and yes, I am a master of stating the obvious. The garden is doing moderately well. The okra isn’t as nice as it was last year, but whatever. The beans (bush and climbing) are fine, as are the tomatoes. The peppers are a complete bust, they are still alive but haven’t grown at all and certainly aren’t making any peppers. The eggplant, however, ok wow. I have one plant and it gives me 2 big eggplants a week. Rattatoiulle…Ratatoullie…ok that eggplant dish with all the vegs and tomatoes and like a fragrant herbish stew…that one. and also baked eggplant with tomatoes and a lot of cheese- not really eggplant parmesan but sort of. Because tomatoes. O yes. The big ones like Better Boy and Big Boy aren’t really making great big ones, but the sweet 100, one single plant, is giving me about 2 pints a day. good thing I like them. Ok that’s all on the garden

Now on to Life. It’s fine. No, really. I still have moments of “WHAT?! I’m a widow?! how very strange!” but then the whole FEELING of being a singular instead of a plural is getting to be more normal. Not coordinating anything with anyone is kind of nice. For instance, “I think I’ll go to Atlanta today. #4, I’m going to Atlanta. Don’t do anything I’d frown on.” and also call up a bunch of people, make a pitcher of mojitos, and have a spontaneous party.  Himself didn’t really like spontaneous things. It wasn’t a character flaw, it was just a trait. I shared the trait. Only now I don’t. Because I have learned the fun in spontaneous living. (to a degree. I still make menus and use a grocery list).

(The screen needs to be cleaned, I keep thinking this spot is a period but it’s just a spot)

I am discovering the types of people I enjoy.  which is basically all of them. I like nearly all people. In particular, I’m finding that the <30 menfolk types are really interesting because the conversation style is so interesting! While I feel a little bit like Aunt Iris at a soccer game, a group of young men, sitting around in a coffee shop is an excellent way to spend a couple of hours. The discussions range from ridiculously silly “Why are you wearing a dress?”..”.Because it’s 100 degrees and I’m a woman.”..”I wish I could wear a dress.” (which lead to an explanation of physics to the others, and the chimney effect and why so many Arab countries’ traditional dress involves a really long tunic and no belt), to the profound (Calvinism vs Arminienism). And, (it may have been the Aunt Iris Effect) it never devolved into anything nasty or profane. Perhaps it was the type of people they were (which I strongly suspect was the case). Occasionally a 4-letter word escaped, with a worried glance toward me, but I didn’t care.

/begin rant  (you’ve been warned)

Which leads me to a thing I find VERY ANNOYING. Our current culture sexualises everything. EVERYTHING. That means if I enjoy a conversation with a couple of young men in my classes, and talk about how I enjoyed it, there’s all these “oo OO oo” and waggling eyebrows and such. Geeeez. Can’t I even enjoy a conversation without someone making Cougar noises? Just because I LIKE someone who’s 25 doesn’t mean I wish to hop into bed with him. I enjoy talking to that particular demographic. I have 4 of them in my immediate family, and the conversations about ideas and dreams and “what if we did this” are a big part of their conversational style. I find that true in nearly every <30 man I’ve had the pleasure of spending time with. I have found them to be honest, respectful, and interesting. Why does that have to turn into a sort of relationship I actually have no interest in?  Yes, I can recognize that this one or that one are good looking, just I can recognize that a particular work of art is well executed or Formula 1 cars are fun to drive. I have no interest in owning a Monet, or driving a Formula 1 car. So, American Culture, would you please get over the notion that every single interaction between a man and a woman is sexually driven? BECAUSE IT ISN’T.

*bow chicka bow-wow!

/end rant

I used to think I was a complete introvert, someone who preferred infinitely to spend time alone, puttering and doing projects. Now, though, that is being rethought. I’ve spent a LOT of time with all sorts lately, and when I’m alone, it is feeling kind of lonely. Especially during the day. School is something I look forward to, as much for the associations as for the actual education. It is making me look forward to having a job, to being around people for a day. When the day is full of people, I do look forward to a quiet evening, but when the day is quiet and slow (like today), notsomuch.  This week is Summer Break and yes, a lot has been done but…I’m ready to be back at school.



About rootietoot

I do what I can.
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One Response to It isn’t what it isn’t

  1. Bella Rum says:

    We have stereotypes for everything. I guess that single/widowed women are on the prowl stereotype is alive and well. It’s interesting that you are becoming more of an extrovert. I think circumstances have something to do with that. I was always an extrovert until my years of caregiving. I guess I adjusted to the aloneness and found ways to spend the time.
    It sounds like you’re enjoying school. I’m glad.

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