What a strange thing it is, these days. I keep saying that, I know, but after 30 years of a slowly evolving life, a drastic change takes some getting used to. When #1 was born, I remember wondering “what on Earth…(ok actually it was more like What the Hell!) have I gotten into?!” All this past 10 months (has it been that long?)…one new thing after another, just about the time one thing gets settled another one throw up all over my life and then just like a baby…poops on it too. But, all of it is settling in, just in time to realize a few interesting things….
like…I don’t have to run anything by another person in order to make a decision. Don’t get me wrong, Himself was not a Dictator and let me make my own decisions, but I still felt the need to run stuff by him, even if it was a small as what kind of cheese to buy or what color to paint something (he had a good eye for color so it wasn’t without a sensible reason). Now, I can pick the sofa *I* want, and not have to see if it will fit his 6’3″ frame. I can choose a new bedspread based on what I like (floral and girly) without considering his flannel-loving denim-and-grommets style sensibilities. Again, he said i could have whatever bedspread I wanted, but it was his bed too and his comfort was as important as mine. and his 6’3″ bearded Lumberjack self looked strange in florals. So for 28 years, stripes it was. And plain white sheets.
How odd it is, to be completely independent. Kind of like sitting on a windy ledge, free to decide whatever I want to decide. I can kick my legs, throw rocks over it, or walk away to the worn path. It’s my choice.
I am all signed up for school now. Parking pass is here, all the papers signed and stuff. I am only taking 2 courses this semester. Procrastination meant most of them were full, except for evenings, and I am committed to being home when #4 is home. It’s important. So, Marketing and English Literature are in my future. I have no idea how to feel about either of them. Part of me thinks I should hold out and go to A Major University and get some sort of 4 year degree in something interesting, but another part says “Look, you’re 50. Get some good training in something useful and get into the job market.” So maybe I’ll do both. Who knows. It’s my very own decision to make and I don’t have to run it by anyone. Which is a very strange feeling indeed.
I’ll write about The Holidays later. There’s a whole bunch of head-stuff rumbling around, about How To Deal With Holidays, but these ideas need to be put into practice to see if they’re actually valid, or just some sort of idealistic fantasy. I will say that absolutely NO baking has happened. None. Tho several marshmallows were made. And very little decorating. Actually none beyond the Ceramic Tree and a 3′ tall fake one with a few balls hung on it.