Attitude Adjustment Needed

On Facebook I seem to be relentlessly, aggressively cheerful. So do others. I am not. Many days I am so far from cheerful even the dogs avoid me. It seems like this whole Happy Housewife Look At How Well I Am Doing is a cloak to wrap in, with the fervent hope that eventually it will grow into my skin and become real.

I am not happy. Sometimes things don’t seem too bad, the ducks are in a row and all that. That’s not really happiness, more like satisfaction that for one more day it’s pretty much ok. That’s enough for now, being pretty much ok.

Some things are very confusing, and those are beyond my control. Stuff like Health Care Insurance. The Federal Gummint says “ok, we’ll pay for this. But we need all sorts of documents (that don’t exist). No, really. They don’t. They want my paycheck stubs from the last 2 months. If I don’t have that, they want my w-2 from last year. Himself’s won’t do, it has to be mine. At this point I would tell people to get a job, even if it’s just a few hours a week, just so there’s a paycheck stub or W-2, in case it’s needed. So I get all the stuff i can find, every sort of document with some kind of income thing on it, and all the certificates that prove Himself and I exist, were married, and he died, plus a terse (yet polite) cover letter explaining the situation, in the futile hope that a Real Person will read it and take pity on The Poor Widow. Federally speaking, hasn’t happened yet even through 5 sets of stuff. Except that I, inexplicably, am receiving insurance statements declaring that I am, indeed, getting coverage. Ok Then. The State Gummint (which, naturally doesn’t communicate with The Federal Gummint) actually has a Genuine Person attached to it, who, with great patience and good humor, has been very helpful and while it isn’t in Order yet, seems to be getting there. As yet, I do not know if the state insurance will supplement or replace the Federal, but whatever. you’d think they’d have this figured out, but apparently not. no wonder this country is so deep in debt.  So now what I do, every time they send me yet another letter describing my book keeping inadequacies, is send them yet another stack of every sort of certificate and statement. I have not yet gotten to the point of sending them originals, as those are not free.  I will keep it up until someone Real contacts me. So far, the Real People have been most helpful.

My attitude, at this point (well, has been since mid March, really), is “Fine then. you can’t do anything worse than has already been done. Asshole.” Perhaps this can continue for 2 years, at which time I will disappear into the ether and become a chicken-goat-cat lady who smells funny and has organic home-grown kale perpetually stuck in her teeth. Or marry a lawyer.

honestly, 30 years of being a hard-working, honest, Kept Woman has meant there is precious little patience for all this and the paperwork when someone dies is RIDICULOUS. Thank you, Mr. Attorney Man Who Is Well Compensated For His Time, for handling much of it. And Thank you, Himself, for your life-insurance wisdom. And NO THANK YOU Nancy Pelosi, for your “guys! Guys! Let’s pass the health care reform act and THEN read it! That’d be great!” But on the other hand, thank you, Good Dr H, Dr Courage, and Dr P, for taking cash. Because really.  NO thank you, Dr. R’s Office manager, for NOT accepting cash payment and turning me away entirely…I mean…what. The. Heck.

Sorry. I’m on a rip-tear here.

Simple fact is, it’s not as bad as it could be and I should be thankful for that. And I am.I’m just having a temper tantrum because I am a Princess. Sorry…(not really)


About rootietoot

I do what I can.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Attitude Adjustment Needed

  1. Judy says:

    Tantrum away. It won’t do a bit of good, but you will better. Friday I was so angry at everything and everyone. Angry at circumstances that have brought me to this hard life. Angry at people that didn’t keep their word. Angry that at my age, with a really good financial past, I am now begging for food stamps from the County/State Gummit. Humiliating. There are days when I actually pray that I will die–just to be away from it all. But then—I keep living, so I guess I have to keep figuring it out–all by myself.

    • Rootietoot says:

      I’ve had to go the Medicaid route,and like you, it’s embarrassing after such affluence. I have those anger times, and find blowing things up to be cathartic. Writing about it helps as well. But not as well as blowing things up.

  2. Barbara says:

    Yep. You never realize how sheltered and protected you have been, until you aren’t – and you have to face head-on a cold hard world that doesn’t really care about anybody or anything and dang sure doesn’t care about doing a good job. Shoot, I was the breadwinner and the one having to take care of everything when I was married and even then it was a cold hard slap in the face – I was amazed by how simply not being married (even to someone who wasn’t really a husband) had suddenly left me so cold and exposed. I had to survive on my own – that’s what made me increasingly cold and hard for about a decade and a half….don’t let it get you. You have something and Someone far greater than I did 21 years ago. The world isn’t going to change until the Lord returns, and the thorns and thistles will always, always, always crop up. Seeking our Lord for grace to encounter them sweetly, trusting Him in their midst, has got to be one of the bigger lessons in this life, for sure.

    • Rootietoot says:

      God has given me a sense of humor about it. As frustrating as it is, there is a game in the midst of it, called “Are You *#%@&$ Kidding Me?!” The goal is to see how many times I can send in paperwork, how large an envelope it takes, and each turn requires one more identification verification.

  3. Bella Rum says:

    I’m a bit of a princess, too. I recently talked to my husband about this, because I suddenly have this need to know everything, and I mean everything. I can’t stand the idea of being left alone and not knowing how to set the irrigation system, or where certain papers are located… especially after this move. I hate to admit it, but some of those things are still in the garage.

    You’re doing everything that you can. It must be so frustrating. You really could write a manual about all those little things women should know before they become a widow… if you could only find the time in between doing all the things that a widow must do.

    • Rootietoot says:

      I have been asked by my pastor to write just such a manual. It will happen after the one year mark, as that seems logical, and hopefully all the baloney will be settled.

    • Rootietoot says:

      Consolidate all the papers, and have multiple copies with a set somewhere else, like at your son’s or in a safety deposit box. Same with passwords and PINs. I have a safe, and much of my jewelry is in it. And I don’t know the code. Don’t let that happen. Have all the owners manuals for appliances and such in one place. The biggest hardship has been with the paperwork. HAVE A WILL. Go ahead and plan your funeral, pay for it if you can. Make sure that information is with the papers and in the will. The more you have planned and paid for, the less of a burden on you or your surviving spouse. It is nigh upon impossible to plan a funeral when you’re still reeling from the death.

      • Bella Rum says:

        I remember being so grateful that Dad had already planned and paid for his funeral. He did a much better job than we would have, and it made things easier for us.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s