Motivational Thinking

Today has been spent on the phone, dealing with the assorted Insurance Issues. Healthcare has been handled and is in place to start May 1, with a short umbrella policy to cover us from April 28, when COBRA runs out, until the new policy kicks in. As much as Himself griped about ObamaCare and despised the idea, I am thankful for it, as it means I can afford it. Car insurance, homeowners, I shopped around and found stuff I can afford.

Financial stuff has always been extremely stressful for me, and Himself handled all of it for the last 20 years or so. I asked for a monthly allowance and kept myself ignorant of it all. I didn’t want to know. Now I have to know. It’s ok. I am not stupid and can do this. The change in habits over the last couple of months has been difficult. I forgot a couple of bills and had to grovel, but they are understanding of my situation. Everything was done online by Himself, and I am changing it all over to “send me a paper bill” so it can go into the Pay It folder, to be dealt with twice monthly until I can catch my breath and do it all on the first.

First though, all that Other Stuff has to be handled. Hospital bills (thank you GOD for insurance!), bits and pieces dribbling in from the ambulance, the neurologist, cardiologist, etc…I expect to see a bill from the room cleaner and the pharmacist at the hospital and every single thing. I understand that these are all separate entities but it would be nice if they were all consolidated.

There’s drips and bits of stuff I didn’t know about, bits and pieces of a payment to here and Oh here’s a refund and YooHoo this is late…

I guess that is all a pie my hand should have stayed in, at least a sort of.

Note to Married People: stay aware, even if you aren’t the one who actually makes out the bills. At least know what’s what and where and when. It was nice for 20 years to not think about this stuff but if I had known all this would be much easier.

I should be outside with my camera, taking lovely pictures of all the roses that are blooming. It’s my favorite thing to do and yet, talking to people about insurance and more insurance and geeze louise my house is worth HOW MUCH? I only really want to insure it for what it costs, not what it will cost to replace it because right now, I am not particularly caring if it burns to the ground. Really. It would be kind of disruptive and probably inconvenient but certainly not the worst thing that has ever happened to us.

It is funny how perspectives change and how people handle it all differently. I am reading a few forums where widows talk about their experiences and there are ones like me, who take an attitude of “ok fine, bring it on, you can’t hurt me anymore than I have already been hurt” and others who see every thing that happens as another rock on the pile they’re already carrying.  I don’t know what the difference is, personality wise. Why do some people become pugnacious and others so fearful?

About the only thing I worry about, I mean REALLY worry about, is #4 getting that English project done so he will pass the class and go on to 11th grade. Mind you, he is actually doing ok, but the project doth loom egregiously and giveth me heartburn.

Perspective has changed significantly. What’s important now is so very different from 3 months ago. The stuff I stress over now…different entirely. Same with the stuff I wish for. Wishful thinking…nowadays….I don’t even know what that means. If I could have one wish it would be for Himself to walk through the door at 5, but wishing all day for that won’t make it so.

I feel like I had to grow up, suddenly. So did the boys. boom, grow  up. I can’t stick my head in the sand and pretend everything is all sunshine and trips to the beach. It’s not.  I still can’t decide about work or school. Either one is doable, but I don’t know quite yet which way to go. I am still trying to get used to cooking for 2 and such. School SOUNDS nie, but would someone hire a 50 year old with no relevant work experience? the last time I got a paycheck was 1987. Maybe they’re hire me because I can….I don’t know what I can…

I do things and feel good about it. We have insurance, that is good and I did it. I have made some decisions, those are good ones, but every time (welcome to Adulthood, Rootie) I make a good one, or get things in a row, something else Happens. #4’s car, the one he is supposed to start driving, is making an ominous noise and feels weird, so it needs to get to a shop. 3 months ago, Himself would have diagnosed it and quite possibly fixed it. Now? Towtruck and days in a shop, and a lot of money that I need for living on…which I guess this could be considered a living expense but still…all my household mechanics are either dead or 4 hours away in Alabama. How inconvenient.

I guess that’s the biggest thing I am whining about, the inconvenience. I am used to having time to sew and putter in the garden and be all Household Queen and stuff, and now I am having to deal with the nitty gritty of life like normal people, and it’s making me cranky. It is time to start streamlining, getting rid of detritus and clutter, both real and metaphorical. That is going to be a big challenge.

If I can navigate the healthcare marketplace, I can do this.  I can. I can do this. Yes. Heigh ho.


About rootietoot

I do what I can.
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3 Responses to Motivational Thinking

  1. Judy says:

    I keep telling my friends to KNOW all the bills and when they are due AND insurance policies and put them all in a file, but of course, NO ONE expects their husbands to drop at 50 years of age!!!

    You can handle it all and you will and YES, many places would love a secretary who is 50 years old and competent, in fact that’s the age I was when I first started working, LOL.

  2. Barbara says:

    I think this is why many of us who have been single for most of our lives find that we have more in common with men than with the women around us…

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