Ducks in a row

Very little in this world is more satisfying to me than having everything lined up and orderly. Especially paperwork. The attorney told me to get everything there is in the whole world documented on paper and in a neat folder to bring to him next week. I just spent an hour on the phone, calling everyone who exists and asking for a paper copy of any document that pertains to Himself. Most satisfactory. Some of them tried to get cagey with me and all I had to do was sound like I might cry, and they fell all over themselves to keep that from happening.

Manipulative? Yah you betcha. If one has a Superpower, it would be flying in the face of God and insulting His gift to you if you didn’t use it. Mine happens to be the ability to cry on demand and I tell you what….it gets shit done. when I was a kid I could turn green and look like I was going to throw up. That got it done as well.

I met with the HR people at Himself’s work and that wasn’t as bad as I thought. I even embarrassed them about the insurance thing. Apparently it is so uncommon for a spouse to be unemployed and on her husband’s insurance that they have never run into this issue before. So, I told them what to do: Give the surviving spouse a letter before the employment is terminated, explaining the loss of insurance and why, outlining COBRA and letting them know AHEAD OF TIME what it will cost, and pointing them toward options for short term umbrella coverage they can use until they can sort out their own insurance.  Because COBRA, while lovely, can be expensive, especially if they don’t have the happy circumstances of plenty of life insurance and stuff to cover it. It could mean the difference between eating or not, to some families. They kept trying to say “but COBRA” and I said “I know COBRA, but MONEY” and he assured me he would work up a plan for future circumstances like mine. Now, if he does or not, I don’t know. But I said my piece and counted three.

I have an appointment with an insurance agent (who also happens to be a deacon at our church so he is Biblically obligated to be nice to me) (of course he would be anyway because he’s like that naturally) tomorrow to figure out options for coverage. One more duck to put in the row.

What I have not had time for, and this is yet ANOTHER reason to MAKE OUT A WILL, PEOPLE! is actually sit down and truly mourn. There is just too much to do. I want some time, to sit in the chair and cry over photographs and mementos, to smell his soap and pillow and wear his flannel shirt. I haven’t sat in his truck yet, or gone out to the shop and looked at his latest half-finished project. There hasn’t been time. I need some time! I want to be able to have a solid week of NO obligations or appointments or phone calls or whatever and grieve for my HUSBAND. How on Earth am I supposed to move ahead if no one will let me even get started because obligations and paper!?

I can feel it in my bones and muscles, it’s building up in there, the need to mourn. It’s exhausting because it’s there, simmering like a pressurecooker, but due to obligations and deadlines and stuff that needs to be done NOW, it has to sit on the back burner and simmer. It’s not healthy and frankly, kind of frightening. I know what happens when I can’t deal with things. In the past Himself has been there to keep things level or fend off stuff when it gets to be too much. The Good Dr. H said it is very important that I get a therapist, so we will see about that, maybe WHEN I HAVE TIME.

Here is my advise for today: Keep up with your paperwork. Keep current statements of everything, keep it all in one place (preferably a fireproof box). Keep assorted certificates like birth, marriage, and social security cards in that same place. A friend said keep all your passwords to everything in one place, preferably in that box or a safe. this is true because much of our financial stuff is on Himself’s home laptop, which I don’t know the password to. However, #2 is a hacker (MOM I AM NOT A HACKER I AM COMPUTER PROFICIENT)…he’s a hacker…and can get into it using Linus’s blanket or something. But hasn’t yet. I neglected to ask the funeral home to save Himself’s right thumb so the scanner thing could be used and that would have been weird anyway.  So people. Paperwork, all together.  This whole business with lawyers, guns, and money (2 points to the first person to finish the line) is forcing me to get the ducks in a row, which is a very good thing. I don’t even resent it because it is kind of satisfying, in that scab-picking sort of way.  It’s also good to find out exactly where we I stand financially. Not as bad as I thought. #4 and I, we’ll be ok.

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About rootietoot

I do what I can.
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6 Responses to Ducks in a row

  1. jerseechik says:

    Can #4 (or perhaps the local police) lift one of Himself’s thumbprints from something around the house that Himself used- like a cigar cutter or can of shaving cream? On TV they glue the thumbprint to a rubber glove and wear the glove for scanners…. Well, it might work!!

  2. Bella Rum says:

    Well, thank the Lord for that. I’m so glad you and #4 will be okay financially. You don’t need that concern on top of everything else.

    Good for you for speaking your mind to HR at Himself’s work. It won’t help your situation, but maybe it will help someone else. They’ll never know who to thank, but you’ll know you greased the rails.

    I know what you mean about Himself being there to fend off the bad stuff. I have that kind of marriage, too, and I’m so grateful. I used to tell my son, Dad stands between us and the cruel, harsh world.

    I appreciate all of the good advice you’ve given in this post. I turned to H while I was reading it and told him that we need to take care of these things. We keep talking about it, but we need to do it. We do have Wills at least.

    I hope you get the time you need to take care of yourself soon.

  3. Jenny says:

    I can’t even… Scab picking you crack me up … I’m praying for you!

  4. Have the T-shirt says:

    There is a program called WillMaker that, in addition to creating a simple will, also creates a document that lists everything imaginable that your loved ones might need upon your demise. Passwords, where documents are kept, names, addresses, phone numbers of Insurance Agents, Investment Brokers, Attorneys, etc. I mean, it really goes on and on with things I would have never thought of listing but that I know will make it easier for my kids when I’m gone.

    It kinda thinks of everything, so you don’t have to. I know I felt so much better after creating that document for my sons.

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