Everything is going to be ok. It will. There will be times I probably doubt that, but that is just my human insecurity talking.
I took #4 to Scouts this evening, and one of the leaders said he’d be happy to bring him home, so I got to drive down the bypass and see the setting sun, all it’s colors and glory, reflecting off evening clouds. Have you ever noticed how incredible those evening clouds look? They radiate warmth and majesty, and hope. When the sun is behind one and outlines the cloud in light, and there are rays coming out, it feel like God is casting his hand out from Glory onto the Earth, and saying “This is Mine. It is very good.”
It’s comforting, knowing that we aren’t just spinning out there in space on a rock, no guidance, nothing to take care of it all. How lonely that would be, to just be chemicals and dust and a random pile of happenstance.
We are so much more than that, our soul, the very God-breathed life that lights our eyes, it is an eternal and wondrous thing. Imagine that, to be part of eternity, instead of crumbling dust. We are something, not nothing.
That is the handle I hold onto with every bit of strength. Knowing that I will see Himself again, and it will be in the presence of the Almighty, that keeps me going, keeps me from crumbling into something pathetic and lonely.
Oh, how I miss him right now. That earthly stuff of a relationship, the touches and sounds, the meals and arguments and back scratches and irritations. I would give just about anything right now to be irritated by something insignificant. I never thought I’m miss the aroma of the bathroom after he’d been in it. I wish I could go back 10 years and tell myself to relish the stuff of a long relationship, to never take any of it for granted. It doesn’t work that way, though.
I remember thinking as a newlywed “Oh, I could never take him for granted, he’s so wonderful!” and thinking how I’d do anything for him. It is so easy to do, though, after a 29 year relationship. You become so familiar with each others ways. It doesn’t mean there isn’t love, or lust, even…it’s just so…like your own skin. You wear each other like your own skins. And losing that skin, so precipitously, leaves you pretty raw.
but, it’s all skin, and bone, and chemical reactions, except for that soul, the God given soul each one of us has that was made for His own particular purpose. I look forward to seeing Himself’s soul again. It felt like he was saying hi to me tonight. he knew how much I loved a good sunset.