I’ve been thinking. That isn’t always the best idea, as thinking can get me into trouble, but this is the good kind of thinking. also, I kind of like the Ipad better because it automatically corrects spelling, sometimes with
mischiveous mischevious whatever…results. Anyway…it’s called Widow Brain and it’s a real thing. look it up. So topics might jump around a bit.
What was I saying? Oh yeah…thinking. Right.
I was with a friend today, the same one who’s held my hand through this whole nasty process. She pointed a bunch of things out that I was like “Oh! Right!” because even though now they seem obvious, nothing is obvious when you’ve got Widow Brain. I mean, really. Nothing. I was sitting in my chair a couple of days ago looking out the window and it was sunny and warm, and another friend texted me and said “Open your windows.” and I was all “Oh! Right!” because even though it was perfect and warm, it simply didn’t occur to me to do that. D’oh!
One of the things she pointed out (the one today, not the “open your windows” one) was something about pensions. I had completely forgotten Himself had pensions with the other places he’s worked! While they aren’t huge, they are something, and all that adds together. Then I was encouraged, and upon getting home I went a’hunting and didn’t find a thing, but then a light bulb went on and an AH HA moment said “Google it”…but she and I had talked just a bit ago about stuff like encouragement and the cloud of witnesses that surrounds us (Hebrews 12:1-2), and it is quite possible, probable even, especially in my case walking around like a slack jawed bag of hammers these days, that the cloud of witnesses is bonking me on the head and saying things like “Google it!”…which is all very encouraging because upon Googling it, I found those pensions and just have to make some phone calls to get those particular balls rolling. I can hear Himself now “You Go! Woo!” because he was always encouraging like that. And it isn’t even the “Yay Money!” thing that is the issue, it’s the “I did this thing!” and “I am competent!” thing, I feel encouraged and empowered and a good bit like I’m NOT just The Wife of Himself, but actually MESELF and pretty a capable meself at that.
Now, I still need an attorney (appointment next Tuesday) because there’s Official Stuff. Putting things in his name over in mine, that sort of thing. I am not sure how that goes, but that’s why God (yes. God, even though there are many people who would argue that point) invented attorneys (I KNOW!), to interpret complicated things and to know how to do stuff slack jawed bags of hammers can’t.
But the thing is, we can do this. The boys can do this. They are smart young men and they can handle this curve ball, because they have smart parents who can handle curve balls, even me, who’s had Himself deflecting curve balls for 29 years until he turned into the biggest one I’ve ever handled.
I miss him so much. Every time I do something Smart, like figuring out how to look up pensions, my first impulse is to pick up the phone to tell him. Now, though, while I can’t do that, it’s ok, because he is part of that cloud of witnesses, along with my grandparents and Great Aunt Martha and Uncle Edward and all the people who made them who they are, cheering me on, giving me encouragement…I can feel it!