4:30 am. A glass of milk and a piece of bread. A friend gave us some delicious smelling food last night,and I ate a little bit, but really, bread and milk is where it’s at right now. There’s that bit…I don’t know where it is, in the Bible where Paul talks about some people need bread and milk and others are ready for meat, speaking about Faith and such. Other people who know more could tell you where, but it’s 4:30 in the am and I am doing good to get the glass to my mouth without wondering why I’m holding it.

I am not sure what will happen today, but then who ever really is? We plan, we schedule and write stuff down and have intentions and frequently things work out that way. Maybe it’s because they don’t that is part of the big shock. I mean, the paradigm shift of losing a loved on unexpectedly is one thing, but maybe a part of the subsequent discombobulation is the upheaval of all your plans. Not just for the week, but the ones you had for months and years.

Boom, everything changes, completely. Well, not everything. I am still going on a cruise with a friend in November. That just seems prudent. Everything I read says those first holidays are the hardest, and methinks a mind-numbing body-relaxing cruise might be a good thing, prudent even, to keep from a massive meltdown. Or at least mitigate the worst of it. I can look ahead and sort of see how difficult those holidays might be.

But there I am, thinking ahead when everything I am reading says don’t.

I was supposed to help with a school auction upcoming in 3 weeks. My job was to organize everything, label and number and then afterward make sure money was collected and items properly distributed. The other 2 people have big stuff going on as well, getting ready to move….but I guess death trumps real estate, or something. It’s also not a job someone with Widow Brain needs to be doing. Someone who bought a wine tour might wind up with an oil change. The other 2 have been very gracious about it.

I think the thing that is getting me through all the kindness, food, and help without guilt is knowing I would do the same were it someone I knew going through this.

Ok, I am sleepy. Maybe I can rest a little before the day has to start.


About rootietoot

I do what I can.
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7 Responses to

  1. jerseechik says:

    Hey, Widow Brain, why don’t you come over to my house for a day trip? If you set up #4 to get to/from school/practice, and you get up at 4:30, you could be here by 8!
    How’s the Orange Eye, anyway?
    How’s #4 holding up?
    Did I mention I think you are doing a remarkably good job of getting through the day this week? You are! And, so far as I can tell, you haven’t been forgetting to breathe.
    Breathe, friend. Just breathe and get through the day. We’re here for you, and sending prayers and hugs, too.

    • rootietoot says:

      Thanks. I will get up there just as soon as I can walk without crashing into a wall. Doing that with a car could be more problematic. People warned me about this but No. I Am Not That Way. Except it turns out that I am.

  2. Have the T-shirt says:

    When I got divorced I remember being so sad about losing the future I thought I would have. Its got to be so much worse when you lose someone like you did. My heart just breaks for you.

  3. Judy says:

    Those “firsts” are going to be really hard. His birthday, your anniversary, the holidays–all of them tough and you think you have to smile so you won’t ruin everyone’s happy time. The birth of the first grandchild is going to be a killer. On one hand you are so happy, on the other hand………..BUT that new baby will be a wonderful happening to give your mind and body something happy to concentrate on.

  4. Bella Rum says:

    The holidays will be hard. Going on a cruise with a friend is a good idea. I think it’s a good idea not to look too far ahead. Just get through today and then there’s tomorrow.

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