Normally I am a very get-things-done-now kind of person. If #4 has a big assignment due in a month, I henpeck him until it’s done, a week early, so there’s time for making changes. None of this “Sunday night essay” business. Any thing that has a deadline, I want it done in time to revise if necessary.
There’s a lot to do, when the main breadwinner of a household dies…no, not main breadwinner…ONLY breadwinner. It’s not a dire hand wringing crisis type thing, he had excellent life insurance, but there is still SO MUCH paperwork. Attorneys, accountants, work things, assorted house/car/credit card stuff. I am not even sure where to begin…other than contacting the insurance agency about his life insurance because money.
And I don’t give a big fat rat’s ass about it right now. I am too busy not looking in his closet to be bothered with that sort of shit right now.
Pardon the language. Deal with it. It’s how I am feeling.
I feel good to remember to feed the dogs and get the kid to school. I even watered a plant.
Don’t worry, I will get it worked out. The HR guy at work has offered every kind of assistance, and I trust him. It’s just that right now…nope.
Right now I want to go to a friend’s house and play with a baby. I want to pick a daffodil and drink a cup of coffee and read the Bible and find comfort. I want the assurance that life goes on, that recovery happens, and that scabs will form over these raw and bleeding wounds and eventually scars will form, and we all know scars are tougher than regular skin.
No plans, just living a little, and relearning how to breathe.