Buzzword Salads

Yesterday I got to spend a really nice day in Savannah, with our 25 yr old #2 son, David.

He talked about buzzword salads. Those are things you see in advertising and on labels. The more buzzwords, the pricier the item. “Anti-aging Retinol Night Firming Serum” was on an ad for a 1 ounce bottle of $75 something at the department store. I opined that a thin smear of Crisco every night would work just as well. And at $2.00 for a 5 pound tub, would be more cost effective. “No buzzwords, Mom. People need buzzwords”

Another example was on these bars of chocolate by the checkout thing. “Grey Sea Salt Fair Trade Organic Dark Chocolate Agave Caramels” The only things missing from that label was “locally sourced artisanal non-GMO roasted kale”. The funny thing about those candy bars, was that one was labeled “Made In The USA” and the other (the one with Pink Himalayan Salt instead of Grey Sea Salt) said “Made In California”.  David opined that here in The Deep South, people really believe California is a different country, that’s why they are selling those here. “It’s not?” I queried. The sales clerk giggled and said “I thought it was, too.”

My thought when I saw the chocolate bars was about the agave syrup. Does it caramelize properly? How do you make caramels out of it without adding sucrose? I am not certain that syrups like agave will cook up right. I say, leave the agave for tequila and stick with good ol’ processed sugar for the candies.  Can anyone answer this question for me?

Anyway, the Anti Aging ads always make me think. What’s so bad about aging? There are some very easy things you can do (ok, maybe not so easy once you’ve started, but easy as in not very complex), such as not smoking and not staying out in the sun all the time and staying hydrated and keeping a modicum of fat on your body, that will keep you fairly youngish looking.

After all that intellectual exercise, a break at Krispy Kreme for coffee and a doughnut was in order. Necessary, in fact. We both require a 2pm caffeine dose, and Krispy Kreme is quite the place for it, centrally located, not too busy, and…duh…doughnuts. Sadly, the Hot Doughnuts Now sign was not on, but as we were leaving they were starting a batch of apple fritters, so we got to see how the little thing flipped them in the vat of hot oil. That doughnut production machine is a marvel of modern engineering. We didn’t get any, though, because the apples were suspect. There was no indication of their origin, and if they were non-GMO. The guy behind the glass looked as if he had better things to do that source the apples for me.


We went to the liquor store as well.  He was in line in front of me getting a couple of things, and addressed me as Mom at one point while there. He was carded. No big deal, he’s 25. The when it was my turn, I was not carded, and asked the clerk why. She just laughed and pointed to David. “He called you Mom.” Which is a point, I suppose. Even as young as we have babies here in The South, no one has yet figured out how to have a baby 4 years before they’re born. I am not going to rule it out, but it is pretty unlikely.  Still. If she had been a man (particularly a young one) there would have been a terse lecture about Women’s Delicate Sensibilities and how we should always be carded and called “Miss”.  Because it’s important to know that our Anti Aging Retinol Night Firming Serum is doing it’s job.


About rootietoot

I do what I can.
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3 Responses to Buzzword Salads

  1. jerseechik says:

    The salad has changed you: “source” used to be a noun, now it’s a verb.
    The Swiss (Switzerland really IS a different country, unlike California, which is actually a different planet) have made the best chocolate for decades without agave. Tell the sourcers (see, I can make up new words, too!) ‘Don’t mess with perfection’, please.

    • rootietoot says:

      Darn straight! Perhaps this Summer, when David is (most likely) in Europe doing that backpacking thing, he can source us some Swiss chocolate. Hopefully nonGMO, but not local, as cocoa doesn’t grow there.

  2. Bella Rum says:

    I’ve never figured out what “natural” or “all natural” means. Sugar is natural. So is fat. Oh, well. Are you telling me that California is not a different country? How stupid do you think I am? Krispy Kreme! Now there’s an all natural product. Yummo!

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