Food is good, right? of course it is. And good food is even better! How do you define “good food”? Is it food that is nutritious and all organicky and Approved By (whoever it is that approves of stuff)? Or is it stuff that people like Anthony Bourdain make satisfied grunty noises over, stuff like fois gras (not nutritious at all, and mean to geese, but fancyschmancy and really really delicious) or truffle butter (also delicious but not mean to geese though pigs might be somewhat exploited)?
Or is it stuff that is artificially orange and nowhere anywhere on the label does it claim to be good for you in any way other than perhaps mentally?
I love artificially orange food. You know the kind, violently colored with all kinds of unpronounceable chemical additives and labels that show expiration dates sometime about 15 years off. I do love me that fake cheeze powder.
Also? Have you ever really read the label? you know, the one that says something like “Serving size, 12 chips” Who on God’s green Earth eats only 12 Doritoes?
When life overwhelms, or people are causing anxiety and angst, nothing is quiet as satisfying as a bowl full of something unnaturally orange. There is even a holiday for it:
Strangely Orange Snack Appreciation Day: June 21
One celebrates this day by indulging in Cheetoes and orange slice candies and Tang. And Doritoes and a bowl of Kraft Mac&Cheeze
Yes, I know it is not even remotely near June 21, but that doesn’t make this craving for Doritoes or Cheetoes any less real. Nor does it reduce the guilt of wanting nasty food that tastes delicious.
How come celery can’t taste that good? (spare me the lecture about fats and cave men and evolutionary needs and stuff. I have already heard it but that doesn’t make Cheetoes any less amazing)
I actually knew someone once who claimed his favorite food was broccoli. Himself and I felt a little sorry for the man, and while we didn’t quite think he was tetched in the head, he weren’t normal, neither.
now, don’t think that I go run to the store every time a craving for fake orange food happens. I do have a modicum of self control and the craving will pass after eating a bit of ginger or a handful of wasabi peas. Strongly flavored food is good for nipping a craving, the same way listening to Kashmir will rid your brain of an earworm. Did you know that? Works like a charm and for some reason Kashmir never becomes an earworm of it’s own.
Anyway, I want to thank the inventor of Doritoes for making something delicious. I remember discovering them when I was about 10, and starting to earn a bit of money doing mother’s helper stuff. Back then it was taco flavored only, but boy were they good, especially to a kid who was being raised on Organic No Additive Food That Was Nutritious And Nasty.
I loved those things.