time flies

Someone recently told me it was September.  Of 2014. Last time I checked it was August of 1993. There are people who were born in the ’90s who are GETTING MARRIED. or even already have! There are people in my immediate family who were born in the ’90s who are married! Since when was it legal for 2 year olds to get married?

And this September thing…It’s not September, is it? Isn’t it April or something? Wasn’t Christmas (of 1992) about 6 weeks ago? Since when was #4 approaching 6 feet tall and a sophomore in high school? i Isn’t that some sort of freak-of-nature event, that a 2 year old in overalls would be so tall? He hasn’t even been born yet! It’s 1993 and he didn’t come along until 1999!

I am so confused.

I have a son who is closer to 30 than he is to 20. Another one is married WITH A WIFE. Another one is going bald. Another one has a car…and the one with the car is only 2 and hasn’t been born yet.

My parents, who are 45 because that’s the age parents are supposed to be, have white hair and drive a Buick. I don’t have any grandparents anymore, which is weird, because everyone who’s 17 should have grandparents, or at least one or two of them, and I don’t have any. It’s ok, because part of me knows that is the natural course of things, but another part finds it very confusing.

Because I am 17 with a 26 year old son and a son who is married WITH A WIFE, and another son who is going bald and another one with a car…it makes no sense to me at all.

Just a few years ago, maybe 3 or 4, they were all so small, not yet in school, perpetually covered with dirt and hollering for food like a nest full of baby birds. One of them was always up in a tree, or hiding in a cabinet, or asking WHY, and now they think they know WHY and don’t ask anymore. The trees are empty of children and the cabinets hold cats instead of kids.

I know it’s the natural course of things and mostly I can accept that, but sometimes it feels so strange, an ill fitting sweater that arrived in the mail. My name was on the box and it came from a place I often order from, but I don’t remember ordering that one, and there’s no charge on the Paypal account for it…how did it get here, this aging thing with grown children who aren’t children anymore? When did that happen?

It came in between school visits and arguments and cooking meals and endless laundry, buying houses and job changes and moving vans. It just HAPPENED when I was busy doing other things.

When the kids were really young, it seemed to last forever. The days felt endless and monotonous. in retrospect they still do. People would say “Oh enjoy them while they’re young, it goes by so fast!” but it didn’t. It went by much faster once they were grown and dealing with their own lives.  I wish I could say I loved it when they were little, but that was a very difficult time, for many reasons. It wasn’t their fault, it would be a gift to go back and redo some things, but that isn’t possible. Doesn’t everyone have some sort of regret?

I guess time is relative, a sort of percentage thing. A day today….let’s see…I am 49 years+4 months old….that is (math math math) 18005 days (give or take a few) old, so one day is 1/18005 of my life. For a 15 year old (that would be #4), a day is 1/5475 of his life. (math math math) That means his day is roughly 3 times as long as mine, proportionally speaking. I  think. math ain’t my strongest subject, but hopefully you get the idea. Therefore it makes sense that the days of a 49+ person would go by much faster than those of a 15-ish person.

I guess that’s what that whooshing noise is that older people get in their ears. It’s not tinnitus, as doctors say, it’s the sound of life flying by.

pilot

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About rootietoot

I do what I can.
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6 Responses to time flies

  1. Ruthie says:

    I feel exactly the same. Inside part of me is a 17-year-old.
    Now here’s a wrinkle (sorry): I have had 2 people tell me this week that, because I have spent years cooking and doing laundry and all, I have “lost myself”. (And one of those people insists that I should ‘go back to myself’.)
    It’s really mixed up to be part 17, part 49+, and have dear ones who are part 2, part 22!

    • rootietoot says:

      Lost yourself?? That’s kind of rude and condescending! What if what you have been doing is what you’re meant to do? As if all those kids and teaching and guiding and discipling were time wasters while you twiddled your thumbs and waiting to find yourself? Good grief.

  2. Judy says:

    How the heck are we suppose to go back to ourselves? Being a wife at 18, and a mother for 32 years–that WAS MYSELF! Who the heck am I now? I still don’t have a clue–I am glad of your diagnosis of that noise in my ears–you are right–time flying by faster than any reality to time or space. I hate this wandering around all day, mumbling, “Who am I?”

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