What it all boils down to, really, is that I am a Precious Precious Princess With Expensive Tastes (PPPWET) (oh wow…that’s quite the acronym!). If I could be satisfied with something simple, like a nice Kia or perhaps a Chevrolet, none of this would be an issue, would it? no it would not. It would be a simple flat tire that Joe Friendly could change on the side of the road, and 30 minutes later be refusing my offer of $20 or lunch or something.
But no, of course it isn’t. Because I am a PPPWET, who requires a fancy German sports car, and not the standard package one, but the Sport Deluxe Farfegnugen w/ Carbon Fiber Dashboard and Nonstandard Wheel Package, nothing is as simple as Joe Friendly and a $20. Oh no. It requires tow trucks with drivers who discuss baseball, assorted power tools and the wrinkled, concerned brows of mechanics, and comments like “do you have the lug bolt key?” (the what?) and “We’re going to have to drill this out” (say what?) and “We don’t carry that tire in stock ” (of course you don’t, because PPPWET’s don’t use standard tires).
Here’s what happened. I was driving to a friend’s house, for our regular Wednesday Prayer Group meeting. Every Wednesday, at noon. On the way there, I was contemplating something other than driving, and smacked my right wheel against the curb.
“that wasn’t good.” I thought. And kept driving. I was nearly there, anyway, maybe 200 yards or so. After turning down her street, I did that thing Dad taught me to do, to check if a tire was low, given that the tire wasn’t making an obvious “wopwopwop” sound of a disastrously flat one. I straightened the car out on the street, and let go of the steering wheel to see if it pulled to the right, which is what it does if a tire is very low and not going ‘wopwopwop” It did, and I thought “that isn’t good.”
Upon parking in front of her house, I stepped out and looked at the tire. It was low but not terribly so, and there was a spark of optimism, which fell flat, as I watched the tire also fall flat. A few other friends, also there for Prayer Group, gathered around and commented, saying things like “Triple A?” and “Oh they take FOREVER” and “Express is right around the corner.” (It is owned by a member of our church, and where we go for car stuff}. One of them pointed out the deep gash on the side of the tire. “I don’t think that can be repaired.” I chose to look at the situation as the best possible circumstance for a bad circumstance, and went on in for Prayer Group. deciding I’d give Express a call afterwards. It’s called Priorities.
Of course I wound up fretting a bit, remembering that it took a special key to get the locking lug bolts off the wheels, and I didn’t have one. I don’t know WHY I don’t have one, but a while back when the oil was being changed, I requested a tire rotation and discovered the lack of special key. And, because PPPWET’s can’t do anything simple, not only do I not have a key, it can’t be purchased…because the normal set, which Express has, doesn’t have one for the PPPWET Sport Delux Farfegnugen Package, and only dealers keep them. One was supposed to come with the car, yet there wasn’t one and this sort of thing isn’t noticed until it’s needed, which usually isn’t in the parking lot of the dealership.
Once again, I am deeply relieved that this happened in my small town, and not in, say, Downtown Atlanta, or perhaps someplace between Milledgeville and Bopperville, where Triple A doesn’t venture due to hazardous social conditions.
Anyway, a good friend helped me out with the driving issues, picking #4 up from school at 3 and dropping us at the Express. He parked in a corner and did his homework, while I rode with the tow truck driver and fetched the car. Upon arriving and getting the car tucked into the repair bay, the mechanic came out and inquired about the lug bolt key.
*unlike NORMAL cars, Volkswagen uses lug bolts, instead of having bolts attached to the car and using nuts to hold the wheel on. Because they do. Of course.
I explained the lack of key issue, and they determined that the set of lug keys they had for VW’s didn’t have one for PPPWET cars, nor did they have the fancypants high speed racing tires this car calls for, and they definitely couldn’t recommend driving the car on the spare doughnut tire, since it was a front wheel and the car has a weird racing suspension thing that doughnuts would mess up bad. So the car was left there overnight, waiting for a new tire…well, 2 of them, because apparently having 2 different tires on the front will also mess with the suspension. Who knew?
Now I have to make an appointment with the VW dealer an hour east in Savannah. The locking lug bolts will be replaced with normal non-locking ones, because the risk of tires being stolen in East South Notmuch,Ga is low. Not only that, the wheels have bolts, so the only person who could use those stolen wheels would be another person with a PPPWET car w/Sport Delux Farfegnugen Package, and mine is the only one in town. That I am aware of.
All this is pretty braggy, right? Fancypants car and foolishness. Now, I like my car. It’s fast and the only one in town, and Himself has implied strongly that after all this foolishness, I am KEEPING the car and DEALING with it. So, no trading it on on something sensible with normal lugnuts and standard tires, and a plastic dashboard.
It’s kind of like the little kid who wants the really fancy iPhone, only to discover that it’s not very good for hammering nails, and needs to be more careful next time.