My house is Heidi Montag

Have you ever noticed how work begets work? There are even sayings for the phenomenon. “One damn thing after another”, “It never rains but what it pours.” Oh I know those are intended for runs of bad luck (or whatever you call it), but they are entirely appropriate for having work done.

It might be plastic surgery. First, the crows feet are dealt with, but then you decide your lips look too thin, so those get get plumped up, then your face looks too young to have sad boobs, and so on.

No, I am not having work done on my body.

The house is getting it’s crows feet dealt with. Actually, it’s the floor. The main level flooring was destroyed in an assortment of water related issues involving the washing machine and someone forgetting to turn off the tub then leaving. What happened there (because you’re thinking “who does that?!”) was that the water main was out of order, so when he turned on the tub nothing came out. Then he left, forgetting to turn it back off. When the main was fixed, the water came on and no one was home. Several hours later I got home to find a waterfall coming down the stairs and an inch or so of standing water on the main floor. With #4 sitting on a couch so his feet wouldn’t get wet, reading a book.  He claimed not to notice, which I believe since he was 12 at the time.

Anyway, crow’s feet. The flooring is being replaced. They are about 1/4 done. The wall colors are wrong for the floors. Terry’s new office, which I just painted in a color chosen with a piece of the new floor stuff in hand, isn’t right. So it needs a new color. Also, the ceiling looks dingy now. Why couldn’t this be figured out BEFORE the new stuff was in? Now I have to worry about drips!

New floors (a slate tile) in the entryway has called to attention the color of the wall (to the chair rail) is wrong. It looked great with the old stuff, but not-so-great now. More painting. Same with the dining room, which is an inoffensive Builder’s Cream due to the idea a few years ago that the house would be put on the market, but now inoffensive has become BORING, and needs a color. A COLOR color, not a version of white.

The space needs to POP! (barf. I hate West Coast DesignerSpeak. HGTV sometimes makes me want to throw things.) When did “room” become “space”? What is so great about POP? If I want POP I’ll go to a video arcade. Home requires calm and serene. Something like a lakeshore or that mossy spot next to the creek. If something POPS there I panic because it’s likely someone is shooting at me.

Where was I….Oh yes, I was busy contradicting myself. I like color, not bland.However, the dining room will not be painted the Serene ColouresduJour like Posh Celery and Waterside, because…bleh. I don’t know what color to paint it. Inspiration will come, eventually.

And another thing….the names of colors…who does that? Yesterday I was revisiting colors for the office, and there is one called Adolescence. I will let you guess what that is. Pantone, which is the Thing That Chooses The Colors has a Color Of The Year every year. I don’t know who chooses that, either. This year it is Radiant Orchid, which is a pinky lavender bright sort of  washed out fuschia. NOT using THAT anywhere. It’s a great color, if you have a 12 year old who’s into Lisa Frank stickers. I suppose it would look good in a dining room with silver painted French Provincial furniture and a zebra striped rug. Not my taste, but I’m not knocking it…just not my taste.  Himself would warn me right here about offending someone due to this being their taste, but please refer to the name of this blog.

radiant orchid

Ok…once again, where was I…Oh yeah, work being done. Fresh paint is required throughout. Don’t you love the way a house smells after it’s been freshly painted? Once the inside work is finished, the outside will get some stuff done too. Currently it looks like Someone Doesn’t Care, with a bit of rotting wood and a messy landscapingish type of maybe theme going on. The intention was to get all the outside done last Summer…no, Really, we were, but it rained and rained and rained and rained and rained, and when it wasn’t raining, the ground was so soggy from the rain that it wouldn’t support the necessary scaffolding, and since it is work that will take several days and require much sunlight and dry-ness and we never went more than 2 days without rain, it simply didn’t happen. So, we’re going to try again. Once the inside work is done because honestly, it all feels like surgery to me and having work done all over the place would be like doing a Heidi Montag and having a facelift, boob job, and tummy tuck all at one time. Ain’t happening.

Outside work will be nice due to the way it won’t cause much upheaval in the household functions. A bit of wood replaced, a lick of paint or two, all with fervent prayers that the guys don’t come to the door with a polite knock and “Uh…we discovered that your entire roof is about to cave in and you might want to see about that.”  Once all that is done, and some evaluations as to the future have been committed, 32 pine trees will be removed, Yes. 32 of them, in a 1/3 acre yard. Shady, no? Yep, shady. And pine trees ooze and drip and shed and drop pine cones everywhere and cause the neighbor to give us dirty looks and wonder why we can’t do a better job of keeping the yard nice. Once those trees (I call them the cockroaches of the plant world) are gone and there’s no more limbs to constantly pick up and cones to pick up and pine straw to rake, it will be easier to keep the yard nice.

Anyway. Yes, we are having Work Done. Lots of work. And someone else is doing it this time. We have always done all of the work ourselves. From roofing to hanging drywall to building the kitchen cabinets and caulking bathrooms. This time…someone else is doing it all and darned if it doesn’t feel nice.

Ok sure, I can throw in some After pictures eventually, but there aren’t any Befores. And During? getoutatown. That would be like putting up pictures mid-surgery.


About rootietoot

I do what I can.
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2 Responses to My house is Heidi Montag

  1. Judy says:

    Been through this scenario a few times in my life. Nice that someone else can do it for you this time. I stained my small deck last fall–a nice bluish/grey sort of stain. Looked beautiful, but then I noticed–my deck furniture looked worn and terrible–so had to replace. Then noticed the welcome mat looked awful–had to replace and wouldn’t it be nice to have some black treads on the steps, oh and…motion sensors lights that come on after dark–well, of course, this spring I must get new planters to go on the deck because last years look like crap. Yeah–on and on. Once, an easy job of painting the living room ended up with new drapes, carpet and furniture. It just never ends. LOL

    • rootietoot says:

      It all started with the kids moving out. I overtook a room to use as a sewing room and it needed to be pretty. then another one left and we have a guest room, which of course needs to be pretty, now a 3rd one is gone and Himself gets an office. And of course now that there’s only 1 left and he’s not inclined to flop and ruin furniture, we got some new living room stuff, which shamed the floors and started the whole New Flooring thing. Eventually when we get to the outside and redo the patio, who knows what will happen there,

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