Lately, stress has become a regular houseguest, like that weird uncle who won’t leave, or a mother in law who decides to move in, or something.
Fortunately I have the kind of mother in law who subscribes to the “guests are like fish” theory, that is, they start to smell after 3 days.
Anyway, stress. The high blood pressure tight muscles in the neck are we out of vodka again type. You know the kind, if you are at all human with or without kids. There is is, in the form of balled up neck and back muscles. Nightly pummeling by Himself causes short term relief and that is lovely.
also ,a bit of high blood pressure, which results in ringing ears and fantasies about beaches. That is what the hypertension guy says when I show up at his office. “tink aboot de beach” he instructs in his fairly thick Nigerian accent, then he sits me in a dark room for 20 minutes. I don’t have time for dark rooms and beaches right now.
Another doctor told me to find someone to talk to over a glass of bourbon. “It doesn’t have to be a therapist, it could be a lawyer or a pastor at church or the clerk of the convenience store, as long as they will listen and nod a lot. But not your husband. It needs to be someone objective who won’t try to fix it.”
The problem is how very subconscious it is. In the thinking part of my brain all is well. I am relaxed and content.the kids are fine, the house is fine,the dogs are fine, Himself is doing well….so what is going on??
there is change on the horizon and since I don’t know exactly the form of the change, only that it is there, thus I don’t know how to prepare for it, the innermost brain part,the part that reacts rather than thinks, is very busy reacting all over the place and that is what is causing the stress. the innermost brain is going “oh No! Panic” while the thinking part is going “la la la have a toffee cookie hum de dum” so the muscles in my back do the panicking since obviously the thinking part is a pansy who doesn’t what is what about anything.
anyway, that is how The Good Dr. H explained it to me, all that about inner and thinking brains and such. I guess the good news about the stress is that my appetite is nil, and that is making the weight I was fussed at about by the 12 yr old nephrologist easier to shed.
oh,and menopausish stuff as well. the Change Of Life. Ht flashes are actualiy kind of hilarious, what with this turning red and clothes flapping and keeping the house at 65 degrees. That is not the change I spoke of earlier, but it might be part of it all. Who knows. Could I please be 35 again? 35 was nice. Size 10, old enough to know better, a bit of mental security,all that. I like being 48, it has definite advantages over being younger, but the bifocals/turning red/going to bed at 8 thing is kind of weird.