Liar liar pants on fiar…fire.

I’m a pretty convincing liar. not proud of it, but it has made for fun times. Here’s a few:

In 1978 (I think), the local 4-H club (Watkinsville, Georgia) hosted the 4-H club from some rural Ohio place. We had 1 of them at our house. Because I was 13 and filled with The Devil, I answered his question, when he pointed to the cotton fields that were in bloom and asked what those were. “Grits.” I answered. “The seed pods look like round nuts, and you shake them real hard before opening them, to break up the grit nuts inside.”  Alas,he told his 4-H leader his new knowledge, and we were not invited to host anyone again.

In 1985, while in college at Auburn University, several of us befriended a young man who was studying engineering. He’d grown up in a penthouse in Miami, and had no knowledge of rural ways.  Once we were scouting out campground for some event. While driving out in the boondocks, he noticed a fireplace and chimney standing alone in a field, and asked about it. “Oh, that’s for the hobos. The farmers build them so they can have a fire without burning the fields up.”  He thought that was very sensible.

Outstanding in it's field.

Outstanding in it’s field.

In 1988,Himself and I were living in Sandersville, Georgia. There were several Yankees who’d recently relocated there. One of them asked about making grits. himself told him that he needed to go to a local grocery store, to the produce department, and ask the produce manager for a grit gourd. “You have to ask, they don’t put them out because the gourds spoil really easily.”

When Himself was a teenager and worked at a grocery store, he was bagging stuff up once and the clerk handed him a bag of saurkraut with a grimace. “Ew.” she said. He asked her “Do you know what they make saurkraut from in Russia?”  “No!” she said. “Cabbage!” he answered. She replied “Oh nuh HUH,  You might convince me of lots of things but you’ll never make me believe that!”  It was probably the only time he’d ever told that poor girl the truth.

Once Himself convinced his sister in law that Waterloo, Georgia was where Napoleon invaded because he was jealous of Britain for having the colonies. He was defeated by James Oglethorpe, which resulted in the establishment of Georgia in the 13 original states.

Then there was the litter of kittens. 3 were tabby and one was black. Himself convinced the same girl of the Saurkraut Incident that the black one was tabby as well, only you couldn’t tell because the stripes were the same color as the rest of it’s hair.

And finally, Himself told David (when he was 8) that ‘gullible’ wasn’t in the dictionary. “yes it is! It’s right he….aw maaaan…”


Last night Himself reminded me of the time he was fixing his car, and the same young man of the Hobo Fireplace incident was there.  Himself asked him to fetch him a lefthanded screwdriver and the metric crescent wrench.


About rootietoot

I do what I can.
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8 Responses to Liar liar pants on fiar…fire.

  1. Jeff Cheely says:

    In my 30 years in grocery store business, we had a boy shake all the Italian dressing to get the silt from the bottom, 30 minutes later, we came back when it had settled back to the bottom and chewed the boy out for not doing it, even though he did. This boy was the store manager’s son! We also told a guy to get a large bucket and go back and forth between the sink and the water fountain and fill the water fountain up. He did this for an hour before he came to us and said that the thing must be broken. Many, many more pranks but it would take too long.

  2. Jeff Cheely says:

    Also, I was up in New Jersey to visit my In-Laws, and stopped by a Diner. They proudly advertised that they now serve grits! I explained I was from Georgia and would like to try some of their grits. They weren’t too bad, but when the waitress excitedly inquired how I liked them, I told her it wasn’t too bad, but it really needed some possum jelly. She asked how you make that, and I told her you start with one, good, dead possum, and went from there. She was going to tell the cook about it and see if he could find a recipe.

  3. Bella Rum says:

    LOL Have mercy… or not.

  4. Jo says:

    All right, I’m setting myself up for merciless ribbing: what IS the fireplace in the field for?

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