An Attitude of Gratitude

I know this is going to sound ungrateful, even though I am actually incredibly thankful and grateful for the help we’ve gotten recently. But…accepting help is difficult. Painful, even. Intellectually I recognize that it’s necessary. Spiritually, I know that allowing others to help blesses them as much as it does me. Emotionally…notsomuch.  I resent the fragility of this body, that has endured hit after hit with the flu, that it has been reduced to a state where pneumonia is allowed to knock it flat on it’s back and render it unable to do the JOB. You know, THE JOB. That stuff I signed on for 27 years ago. The cooking and cleaning and dealing with the kids and being a wife and companion to Terry. Oh I know, “In sickness and in health” and if this were Terry who was sick I’d be right there with the food he wants and the tending to and all of that without a second thought. But it’s NOT Terry. It’s me who’s sick and while I don’t mind playing the invalid for a couple of days (long enough to get caught up on all the stuff on the DVR), this dragging out for 2 months and who knows how much longer is…Not Cool.

This morning I actually got teary about it for a while. It will probably happen again, in the privacy of home with no one around to see it. Self pity is unbecoming. I am not sure that’s what this is. It feels more like frustration, really. There’s a fine and blurry line between the two, though, and I am squishing along it.  It was at about 6 weeks into recovering from the hip surgery that I started yelling and throwing things.  I’m at 7 weeks here, and the only reason I’m not yelling and throwing things it that those would trigger an uncontrollable fit of coughing.

yosemite_sam_stressed1

Yesterday I had a conversation with our pastor’s wife. I told her how awkward it felt to accept help from people (the church is bringing us meals) and she fussed at me for having that attitude. “Gratitude is Biblical.” she said. “Now accept the help with gratitude.”  Yes ma’am.  “You’ll have your chance to reciprocate.” she said. And that’s true. So, I am trying.

frustration

There are a couple of cleaners showing up in about an hour, to do the floors and bathrooms.  A couple of friends are bringing meals by for the weekend.  #4 is getting a ride home from school.  4 or 5 years ago, before we were members of this small and very close knit church family (and this church is the first one I’ve ever called that), none of that would have happened. So  yes, I am grateful. Still frustrated with being sick because 7 weeks of illness is RIDICULOUS, but grateful for people who care enough to help out, and that is making me all teary again. Maybe for a different reason this time.

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About rootietoot

I do what I can.
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7 Responses to An Attitude of Gratitude

  1. Peggy,

    We sang a little hymn in the little Primitive Baptist church I came to Trinity from. We sang it often. It’s called The Servant Song, and it goes like this:

    We are trav’lers on a journey
    Fellow pilgrims on the road
    We are here to help each other
    Walk the mile and bear the load
    I will hold the Christ light for you
    In the nighttime of your fear
    I will hold my hand out to you
    Speak the peace you long to hear

    Sister, let me be your servant
    Let me be as Christ to you
    Pray that I may have the grace to
    Let you be my servant to

    Brother, let me be your servant
    Let me be as Christ to you,
    Pray that I may have the grace to
    Let you be my servant to.

    I will weep when you are weeping,
    When you laugh I’ll laugh with you.
    I will share your joy and sorrow
    Till we’ve seen this journey through.
    When we sing to God in Heaven,
    We shall find such harmony
    Born of all we’ve known together
    Of Christ’s love an agony.

    Praying that you will have the grace to let someone serve you today.

    (and if you haven’t watched the video at deathisnotdying dot com, it would be a good time to do it, while you’re laid up there).

    In Jesus,
    Barbara

  2. I don’t know anyone who would be all sparkley unicorn poop, kittens and rainbows after 7 weeks of the flu and pneumonia. I’m just amazed you haven’t gone on a killing spree and envy your will power.

  3. Bella Rum says:

    I can’t believe this is happening to you. It sounds exactly like what happened to me – flu turns into pneumonia and it seems like it will never go away. You think you’re getting better and “BAM”, you relapse. I felt the same way about the “fragility” of my body. I realized something was happening that I had no control of, and I didn’t like it.

    I’m glad you have people to help you. You know you’d be the first one at their door if they needed help. Feel better soon, Rootie.

    • rootietoot says:

      You’ve been on mine mind through all of this, because of your adventure. It helps knowing I’m not The Only One(of course I’m not but you know how it is when you keep getting hammered). Like you, I am trying to keep a sense of humor about it…but it’s not easy.

      • Your comment about “keep getting hammered” reminded me of something. May I share with you something I wrote during a time when I was in a spot where every day was a hammer? Looking it up, I can’t believe it was nearly four years ago. I’d been a Christian for barely a year and I was pouring it all out onto Christ one afternoon. In the rawness of the agony, He answered. http://crackedpot40.blogspot.com/2009/07/no-title.html

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