Cranky Griping Person 2.0


So I woke up this morning and was all “hey! I don’t feel so bad today! Like, nothing aches!”

Then I thought “Oh cool! No PMS this month!” and that was nice because typically I feel like driving over people who are dressed inappropriately for their age or body type. Unless they’re toddlers, then I want to drive over their mothers.

Only…(you knew that was coming)

Now I do. Now every single thing I look at is pissing me off and I want to eat all the salty things in the world and chase them down with an enormous bottle cheap pinot grigio (nicely chilled).

#4 asked how I was feeling today, just a few minutes ago, and I said “I am crabby as hell.” and he leaned away from me with a wary look in his eye.

“Am I the cause of this?” he asked. I had just kind of crawled all over him for the clothes on the floor and the undone math worksheets I found on his desk.

“No. you’re more of a symptom.” I answered.

“Don’t you mean a victim?” he said.  I do not. He is not a victim. He’s not exactly a cause, either.  But he is kind of funny over there,  in a hat given to him by a Peruvian girl and his sports glasses (because the regular ones broke, while he was playing sports. I am sure there’s a logical explanation.) and slurping down ramen noodles.

eli eating


He’s home from school today due to possibly the flu. Terry has it and #4 was complaining of the same symptoms, tho in the mood I’m in right now I am more inclined to call it malingering.

And WHY is he eating ramen at the coffee table, and not at the dinner table like a normal person?

I am going to take a deep cleansing breath and think happy thoughts and Calvinist thoughts like “God knew the dining room would become a garbage dump and it’s all in His Plan.” instead of disappointing Free Will Arminian thoughts like “They dumped all their shi..I mean…stuff there of their own free will and that’s more important than my personal mental well being.”

So I am going to think about Cheetoes On The Counter. And Mellow Mushroom pizza (the white kind). And pinot grigio.

I’ll be better tomorrow. Promise.


About rootietoot

I do what I can.
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5 Responses to Cranky Griping Person 2.0

  1. Nichole says:

    I hope your cheerful visage is returned to you soonishly. He’s obviously eating ramen noodles at the coffee table because that’s where they taste the best. It’s the ambiance.

  2. Bella Rum says:

    I don’t have PMS, but when I was on steroids, I was insatiable. I thought of you when I was in the hospital the last time because I made H go to the vending machine on the second floor and get Cheetoes for me every night. I knew it was horrible but I couldn’t control myself and he didn’t dare to deny me.

  3. “Cranky Griping Person 2.0 | Because it really is personal” honestly makes me personally ponder a small amount extra.

    I actually loved each and every single portion of this blog post.
    Thanks a lot ,Reuben

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