Start, stop, reword, erase, start over, get up and refill the coffee, begin again, make some deviled eggs (cooking always calms me).
I woke up at 4am this morning. It has been a couple of weeks since that happened. Even with the flu I slept well. It was Anxiety. Again. At least I recognize it now and know what to do.
So I got up. Today is the church potluck lunch and I hadn’t fixed anything yet, and due to the magical properties of our water, I can take dried beans to ready-to-eat soup in 2-1/2 hours, WITHOUT presoaking! So…I made a pot of mixed bean soup, and put it in the crockpot to simmer.
Cumin, salt, pepper, dried chipotle, and a dash of mesquite liquid smoke. Also, bacon. Because of COURSE bacon! Duh!
Then, because it was now 5 am, and I’d had 2 cups of coffee plus anxiety and I was fairly sure I was obligated to feed then entire student population of our church, who get to come to the potluck lunches without bringing any food, because we’re nice like that and they either don’t have kitchens, or money, or know-how yet, I made deviled eggs. A bunch of them.
1 dozen boiled eggs, 1/2 cup mayonnaise, 1/4 cup pickled banana peppers, 2 tablespoons pickled banana pepper juice, paprika for sprinkling on top.
Now it’s 6 am, and I am still fairly sure not enough food has been made, and looking in the refrigerator reveals about a quart of buttermilk. Cornbread! Muffins, wedges (we have a fancy old cast iron cornbread wedge pan) and sticks (also, fancy old cast iron corn stick pans).
Get some cornbread mix, use 2 eggs instead of the 1 that the recipe calls for. Even if it’s buttermilk flavored mix that calls for plain milk, use buttermilk instead. You’ll need more because buttermilk is thicker. Also, melted butter instead of oil. Trust me. It’s true. After you mix it up and before you put it in the pans (heavily greased with butter. Trust me), let the batter sit for a few minutes. You’ll have softer cornbread that way. trust me. Terry taught me how to make cornbread and he never teaches anything unless he knows absolutely what he’s doing and this makes the best non-fancypants cornbread ever.
And now it’s 7:30 and the anxiety has dissipated with the rising of the sun and the application of a purring cat to my lap. Also, coffee and the aroma of cooked bacon and cumin and smoke. Sunday School is at 10, with all the adults in one class for the next 6 weeks because Pastor Barnes is teaching about Sex and Marriage and he thinks it’s important. Which it is, and in spite of being a bit nervous about it, he’s doing it. Then worship at 11 and the potluck lunch whenever the service is over. Which is never noon, but usually closer to 12:30 or sometimes 1 because he’s going to say what needs to be said and will finish whenever he is finished. Which is actually refreshing because it means he’s not pandering to the rich people who fund the church and get bored easily.
And this is what happens when I wake up at 4 am and need to channel energy away from anxiety and do something useful yet quiet (to avoid waking up everyone else).
For your entertainment, A Video