horti-porn

At my age, I am not interested in the things younger women are concerned about. Did you know the last time I wore makeup was in 2004?  I get a haircut once every 6 months, because I Don’t Really Care, except that I want it short so it won’t blow in my face when the top is down on the car. I *do* smear some sunblock on, because I’m not stupid, but it’s not to protect my tender and delicate complexion (so I won’t have to wear makeup), it’s to keep from getting skin cancer,because apparently that’s unpleasant, and as a hedonist I try to avoid unpleasant things as much as possible.

Anyway, recently I read an article about a brave, brave young woman who went an ENTIRE YEAR without looking in the mirror! She bought no makeup, no hair products, no fancy creams or foofy stuff…AN ENTIRE YEAR. AND SHE SURVIVED!  Don’t ask where I read it. I don’t remember. Anyway, she was very proud of herself, and said all that not worrying about how she looked was phenominal phenomenal for her self esteem. Also, apparently she saved THOUSANDS!! of dollars by not buying hair and face products.  I was kind of…I don’t know…dumbfounded isn’t the right word. Maybe amused? I haven’t looked in a mirror beyond checking my teeth for broccoli since I quit wearing makeup 8 years ago.   So anyway, I had this short internet conversation about Marketing and How Women Are being Convinced We Need To Be Young and Lovely with someone, and mentioned that the only thing that catches my attention these days is the David Austin Rose Catalog.

Horti-Porn she called it.   Which is entirely appropriate because you even have to go through a blank header page to get to the pictures.

I get a lot of those. Once a year is the David Austin catalog, which is kept next to the chair, and drooled over almost daily.  Sometimes I even cut out a few of the pictures, put them in small frames, and hang them in a private place (the sewing room,out of bounds for anyone not explicitly invited).

There are other, not-as-tasteful, catalogs. Jackson and Perkins comes, but the photos aren’t as lush and tasteful as the David Austin one. There’s the tabloid types, printed on cheap newsprint with pen-an-ink type drawings. Blah- booooring.  The David Austin catalog is practically a coffee-table book, on thick glossy paper with a gorgeous cover that invites you in and tempts you in with images of individual blossoms and then grabs you with full page spreads  photographs of lush gardens and enormous um…er…shrubs. Right…where was I?

uh boy...

uh boy…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Whoo…had to catch my breath there…

Terry has his own version of Porn. The other day, he got the annual Grizzly Tool catalog.  He sat down immediately, with a happy sigh, and began perusing it.  Then he looked up at me and said

“Y’know, when a man is 25, he loves to read the Victoria’s Secret catalog, then gets to the tool catalog when he’s done. When he’s 35, he flips through the VC catalog, but spends more time on the Grizzly one. When he’s 45, he notices the VC catalog,  but reads the Grizzly one first. When he’s 50, he might notice the VC catalog came, but flips it into the trash, and saves the Grizzly one for reading at night after his wife’s gone to bed.”

right, like some skinny woman in her underpants could compete...phhht.

right, like some skinny woman in her underpants could compete…phhht.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tool-porn, and the Grizzly catalog is tool-porn at it’s finest.   And I don’t mind! I get it! because I have horti-porn.

To each their own form of pleasure,  eh…

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About rootietoot

I do what I can.
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7 Responses to horti-porn

  1. jeanieinparadise says:

    lol – my husband took the hardware junk mail to the “library” downstairs for perusal today – you reminded me. I do have makeup – I last used any on my wedding day (because my sister insisted)!!

    • rootietoot says:

      My philosophy about makeup is that if you never wear it, people are used to seeing you that way and you don’t need it. I had a friend who wore heavy makeup all the time, then once I saw her without it and thought she was dying of a disease, but she just wasn’t wearing it.

  2. jerseechik says:

    Another similarity: Sometimes you will hear exclamations of, “What is that oddly shaped… thing?” as the inexperienced reader (like me) studies a photo.
    (What is that green machine, anyway?)

    • rootietoot says:

      That lovely machine is a professional grade planer. It takes rough boards and makes them smooth so they can be made into furniture. It makes Terry sweat a little, even though he already has one.

  3. pheenobarbidoll says:

    Horti-porn lol!

  4. “Horti-porn” is a hoot! I think the closest thing to that at our house would be the Harry & David (food) catalog!

    I wear a minimal amount of make-up but no where near enough for people not to recognize me without it. Thinking about it now I’m guilty of vanity for sure. But I did finally give up high heels and that was a HUGE step for me, perhaps because I’m so short, but it was so darn liberating that I wish I’d done it years ago.

    Happy New Year! xo jj

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