^snap^ ~crackle~ *pop*

Do you ever wake up like that?  First, your eyes open, then you look to see if the sun’s up yet (no, of course not. I wake up before 5 and the sun is never up. Except for yesterday when I woke  up at the incredibly self indulgent 7:15), then streeeeeeetch and POW *pop* ^crunch^ go the joints. Shoulders, elbows, knees and ankles, occasionally the lower back and neck. Even my ears pop when I yawn.

When did this start? I don’t remember making such a racket when I was younger. I even worry about waking Terry up with it all. He doesn’t sound like the Grambling University drumline when HE wakes up, and he’s a year older than I am!

I guess it’s age. It goes with the bifocals and the having of doctors who are 10 years younger than I am.  That was a shocker the first time it happened. I was visiting the Hughston Clinic in Auburn, for some orthopedic issue, and this 12 years old walked in and started asking questions and I thought “shouldn’t you be in school this time of day? Does your mother know you’re here, Doogie?” and that’s when it hit me that yes, Virginia, you’re old.

But you know what? I’m ok with that. I didn’t really have Glory Days that I revisit with fondness and regret.   I am ok with letting the younger women be the younger women.  I don’t struggle with aging (I find it comes along quite easily all by itself), nor do I search (in vain) for that perfect cream/salve/diet/European Herbal Tea/cabana boy to help me recapture my youth and glowing complexion.  You’d be amazed at how dewy and glowing a mid-day hot flash will make your complexion.

You see ads and TV commercials that go on about nice it would be if you were 20 again, there are articles about the competition older women feel toward younger ones (seriously??) and how the younger ones are stealing all the men.

I only need one man, actually, and I got him 27 years ago, and he is plenty, thank you.

“but you should be worried that some younger woman with toned legs and full lips and (most importantly) NO WRINKLES OR GRAY HAIR will come along and steal him away form you and then where would you be?! ALONE AND LONELY AND OLD AND WRINKLED! THAT’S WHERE!”

And all that joints-a’poppin’ and need for elastic in the pants waistband…sooo unattractive.

which puts me on a whole ‘nother topic…isn’t it kind of insulting to men to assume that they’re going to instantly drop their wives and companion of a quarter of a century for someone with smooth skin who’s young enough to be their daughter?  I think so.

So, of course I’d like to have the sort of stamina I had 25 years ago, but I don’t envy the young women who are 20 and who don’t make a whole lot of racket when they wake up. I had my turn, and now it’s theirs. What I have (that they don’t), is a quarter of a century of experience, the comfort of a man I know VERY well, who won’t judge my early morning bad hair, stretch marks,and bifocals (because I don’t judge his assorted older-man characteristics…I’m rather fond of them, actually). Let them have their smooth and supple bodies, their ability to eat anything without getting heartburn, and their utter lack of orthopedic issues. Been there, done that, it’s someone else’s turn.

Its my turn for feeling secure in my loves and friendships, for knowing what I know and what I don’t know (instead of thinking I know everything), and for having 25 years of kitchen experience that means I can look at a loaf of bread in the oven and know (without even thinking about it) that it needs 15 more minutes.  And for the endless amusement of sounding like a drum line at 5am.


About rootietoot

I do what I can.
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17 Responses to ^snap^ ~crackle~ *pop*

  1. ““but you should be worried that some younger woman with toned legs and full lips and (most importantly) NO WRINKLES OR GRAY HAIR will come along and steal him away form you and then where would you be?! ”

    Where would I be? In a country with no extradition, vindictively sure in the knowledge they will be happy side by side in that hole in the ground.

    Til death do us part wasn’t so much of a promise for me as a threat. lol

    • rootietoot says:

      I am a very sneaky person, not given to overt displays of revenge, etc. I am, however, capable of making people miserable unto near eternity, and thus would be my modus operandus, should Sweet Young Thing attempt any such nonsense. Fortunately, Himself is not prone to ridiculous behavior, thus I am not concerned.

  2. Most things, yeah I can draw some revenge out for a long time. Infidelity, I take a scorched earth policy on. There will be no survivors.

  3. Mine isn’t either. If some hot little thing showed up he’d invite her to play DnD and that would be the end of that lol

  4. Lisa Harney says:

    I know there’s always a risk of “but what about the menz” when talking about matters of sexism, but it is the case that a lot of sexist assumptions are insulting to men. For example, men who say their sexuality cannot be controlled when around attractive women? That is insulting to men, showing them as little more than driven by pure impulse and lust. This is clearly not the case, but it is a convenient fiction for many men who do behave that way.

  5. Bella Rum says:

    True stuff Rootie, though I do miss my sight and my mind.

  6. Yes it’s insulting to men. But what it says about women is more harmful and has far more severe consequences. When a man isn’t responsible for controlling his own lust, then it shifts to being the woman’s responsibility. This makes us responsible for rape. Even our own. If gender stereotypes were *just* insulting, I could live with that.

    • Lisa Harney says:

      Exactly, which is why I was wary of making it all about the men in my reply. These excuses are used to justify things up to and including violence against women and blaming women for that violence.

  7. pheenobarbidoll says:

    Hey rootie, I had a dream with you in it! I have no idea what you look like, or your real name but it was you. I don’t recall the details, but I was trying to help you find a tractor.

    • rootietoot says:

      A tractor! I’d love to have a tractor! I don’t need one,nor do I have a place to use one or park it, but who doesn’t want a tractor! Was is an antique or vintage John Deere? Or maybe one of those small farm Cub Cadets? I love to have a Cub Cadet.

  8. pheenobarbidoll says:

    I have no idea, but we were trying to find the tractor supply here because you needed a tractor and for some reason we were convinced they sold them.

  9. The sun comes up so early down here, my snap, crackle and pop is still sleeping. But trust me, it wakes up when I do, although it sounds more like creak, rattle and groan 😦

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