Can we start over, please?

Wow…what a past couple of days.  Whenever I read the news about those shootings in Connecticut, I start crying.  I don’t like crying. There are so many things swirling around about it all. Gun control vs 2nd amendment, where is mental health care in this country, the media getting in those kids faces, so much to look at, think about, to consider.  Who’s to blame? I have my opinions on all of t, but right now isn’t the time to get into that. Right now, this country is still trying to wrap it’s collective mind around what happened. It’s trying to find a reason, any reason, why.  I briefly try to imagine the horror and anguish the families of all those dead people are dealing with, and can’t. All I can do is…not much at all.

I want to take down the Christmas stuff, like I don’t really…I don’t know…I don’t want it. I HAVE my family, my children. My community, school, church, they’re all intact, not splintered into a million shards by the inexplicable actions of one person.  They don’t even have the dubious comfort of revenge or justice on the perpetrator.  My world has not been ruptured, exploded, crushed, maimed or destroyed. It’s fine.

So why them and not me? Why these people n Connecticut, who started their day with poptarts and orange juice, with the perfectly reasonable expectation that they’d see their child or loved on at 3 or 4 in the afternoon, do homework, and have spaghetti for supper? Is there even a reason?

Oh sure, I know the theology, but I’m not going there. It’s all too raw to be getting into Perfect Plans and stuff like that. It wouldn’t help. If someone came to me after I’d lost a child to such violence,  and said some platitude about Better Places and God’s Plan and all…I’d likely punch them in the face and say “God knew I’d do this!”

I don’t know how to deal with it except to be grateful and humbled that it wasn’t my family or community.  Even that seems selfish.  It seems wrong that the world hasn’t stopped for a while, that cows keep making milk and airlines keep being 30 minutes behind schedule and McDonald’s keeps producing french fries. There needs to be a long pause, so we can catch our breath and try to grasp what’s happening.  The people having to deal with the loss of their family members, the children having to cope with the loss of their sense of safety,and their innocence about what’s good, they need that.

and I just don’t know how to give it to them.

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About rootietoot

I do what I can.
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3 Responses to Can we start over, please?

  1. pheenobarbidoll says:

    Those platitudes not only do not help, they actively cause anguish. Why anyone is assy enough to say them is beyond me.

    The only lesson I get from things like this is to live my life. Don’t take down your Christmas stuff, ENJOY them. You never know when it’s your last or your last with everyone around. I’d say make each day special, but life gets in the way of that so at least keep the special days special.

    That little bastard stopped the worlds of an entire community. I’ll be damned if he stops mine. He doesn’t deserve that power. Living my life is the only way I can spit in his eye and dance on his grave. So dance I will.

    Join me.

  2. Bella Rum says:

    Rootie, it’s good to see you puzzling it out here. It helps to read your thoughts. My well is dry. I wrote a post about the shooting at the Batman screening in Colorado a few months ago. Can that only have been July? I went back and read it a few minutes ago. I didn’t address any of the whys and wherefores, but wrote more about the absence of shock that I felt – or didn’t feel. This is happening too often. Once is too often, of course, but when it happens repeatedly, we build our little walls. I believe this one broke every barrier for most of us. All those little ones and their teachers. What’s been done here is unspeakable, but speak about it we must – sooner or later.

    • rootietoot says:

      I wasn’t affected much by the shootings in July either. I think the horror of the recent ones are due to the young ages of the victims, and where it happened. Schools are supposed to be SAFE, and the idea that this person walked into a kindergarten classroom and did what he did…we cannot comprehend the evil in a person’s head that would make them want to do such a thing. We can say “oh,crazy guy with orange hair” about the movie theater shootings, but nothing can be said about what was done at the school that doesn’t involve “evil” and we are not comfortable with that. It’s easier to say “he was sick”, but there was something there that was more than sick.

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