Wow…what a past couple of days. Whenever I read the news about those shootings in Connecticut, I start crying. I don’t like crying. There are so many things swirling around about it all. Gun control vs 2nd amendment, where is mental health care in this country, the media getting in those kids faces, so much to look at, think about, to consider. Who’s to blame? I have my opinions on all of t, but right now isn’t the time to get into that. Right now, this country is still trying to wrap it’s collective mind around what happened. It’s trying to find a reason, any reason, why. I briefly try to imagine the horror and anguish the families of all those dead people are dealing with, and can’t. All I can do is…not much at all.
I want to take down the Christmas stuff, like I don’t really…I don’t know…I don’t want it. I HAVE my family, my children. My community, school, church, they’re all intact, not splintered into a million shards by the inexplicable actions of one person. They don’t even have the dubious comfort of revenge or justice on the perpetrator. My world has not been ruptured, exploded, crushed, maimed or destroyed. It’s fine.
So why them and not me? Why these people n Connecticut, who started their day with poptarts and orange juice, with the perfectly reasonable expectation that they’d see their child or loved on at 3 or 4 in the afternoon, do homework, and have spaghetti for supper? Is there even a reason?
Oh sure, I know the theology, but I’m not going there. It’s all too raw to be getting into Perfect Plans and stuff like that. It wouldn’t help. If someone came to me after I’d lost a child to such violence, and said some platitude about Better Places and God’s Plan and all…I’d likely punch them in the face and say “God knew I’d do this!”
I don’t know how to deal with it except to be grateful and humbled that it wasn’t my family or community. Even that seems selfish. It seems wrong that the world hasn’t stopped for a while, that cows keep making milk and airlines keep being 30 minutes behind schedule and McDonald’s keeps producing french fries. There needs to be a long pause, so we can catch our breath and try to grasp what’s happening. The people having to deal with the loss of their family members, the children having to cope with the loss of their sense of safety,and their innocence about what’s good, they need that.
and I just don’t know how to give it to them.