We wound up not going to church yesterday. I hated it, because the choir was singing “Lo, How A Rose E’er Blooming
and “And The Glory Of The Lord” from Handel’s Messiah
Neither of these are the choir I sing it, ours is much smaller, and no orchestra but we worked really hard on them and it made me sad to miss it
I had a throat tickle and a runny nose and the definite promise of a headache, which each one by itself would have meant nothing but all together felt like the beginning of a cold or even maybe the flu, both of which are going around and no doubt some heathen breathed on me a week ago or perhaps touching a buggy handle someone sneezed on at StuffMart or some such exposure could have led to an infestation. The very LAST thing I wanted to do (given that it’s the beginning of being symptomatic that one is the most contagious) was sneeze on the entire choir and give them all a disease for Christmas, especially Tyler, a bass who sits next to me on the back row and has plans to go to Moscow in a month. Why Moscow in January? “The flight was cheaper” said he. I don’t doubt that. Also, I’m not the strongest alto in the pack, so I knew I wouldn’t be missed much.
So, instead of church, I slammed back my own special Combination Punch of Nip It In The Bud cold remedies. Everyone has their own, and this is mine.
1. Zicam. I swear by the stuff. Start taking it immediately upon suspecting the possibility of maybe having the whisper of a cold symptom. Sure, it makes everything taste liked you’ve licked the end of a AA battery, but that beats a week on the couch, unable to move.
2. Chicken soup. Homemade, lots of garlic and black pepper. And I do mean lots. 6-8 cloves of FRESH garlic, not dried, not from a jar. Fresh, minced garlic. And fresh cracked black pepper. Lots of it. Make a pot full, and eat it all day long, in between Zicam tablets.
3. Oranges. As many as you can stand. Everyone knows vitamin C is good for a cold.
4. And this is the questionable one, but I swear it works and I’ll explain my scientific-sounding reason in a minute. Gin. The best you can stand (Bombay, for me. Yes, Tanqueray is better but the Bombay is good too.) Lots of gin. Once the chicken soup was done and I’d had a bowlful, the martinis started flowing. Big ones, one every hour until…well…whatever. I had a cold, I wasn’t going anywhere anyway.
No, I don’t normally drink like this. I don’t even LIKE to. BUT, a long time ago I discovered that if I get plastered on the gin (and for some reason the other forms of booze aren’t as effective, I suspect it’s all the herbals in the gin), the cold goes away. My theory (and I’m sticking to it because it makes as much sense as anything else) is that my blood alcohol content, along with the herbals in the gin, just…well…fries the virus. Like washing your hands with hand sanitizer, only inside. Oh sure, I woke up at 3am with a hangover, but nothing aspirin couldn’t handle.
And today? I feel a bit better than yesterday. A bit of a runny nose, but no more scratchy throat (the gin cauterized it). The zicam will be used for the next couple of days, as will heavy applications of garlic in various forms, until all vestiges of disease are eliminated.
A Disclaimer: It is NOT an excuse to drink all the gin I want with complete impunity. I really don’t like more than one gin drink at a time, MAYBE once a week. After the first one, they kind of get choked down. But I’m telling you…it works for me. How do I know it’s not the other stuff? I don’t. I’m just taking a shotgun method of dealing with the bugs.
This is a gratuitous picture of Ahnold, because why not.