In case you couldn’t tell by the tone of several recent posts, I’ve been in a Mental State lately. The Good Dr H listened to my pleas and prescribed a pill. Oh sure, you might be thinking “PILLS. Bah. Pills are for weak people who can’t manage on their own.” 25 years ago that’s exactly what I would have thought.
Damn right. That’s what I say to that. When you get to the point that you’re drinking (like a stevedore on Saturday night), and having massive anxiety for NO REASON…it’s the NO REASON that bothered me. As long as there’s a reason I can deal with it, but my life is actually going really smoothly, all things considered.
I think that pill might be starting to work. It ain’t aspirin. It doesn’t fix the symptoms 10 minutes later. It takes a good 2-4 weeks to see a difference, and I’ve been on it not quite 2 weeks.
HOWEVER. Yesterday I had the sort of anxiety that would typically send me straight into a bottle of Absolut Pear and Club Soda…and I didn’t. It was the kind of situation that I would have been frantic about (for no real reason), and I didn’t get frantic. I was able, for the first time in nearly a year, to talk myself down from it. Was it the pill? Or was it rational thinking? Or was the pill making it possible to think rationally? Who knows, who cares? Whatever it is, it worked and I am grateful.
It’s still a one-day-at-a-time situation. I am not ready to throw confetti and go YAY I’M ALL BETTER , but having one day, one event of anxiety that simply wasn’t THAT BAD, it was a relief.
The pill doesn’t solve anything. It doesn’t make me float away on a pillow cloud so I can ignore life. It calms the voices enough so I can think rationally. I still have anxiety, but it isn’t all consuming. I still have depression, but it’s not a demon whispering in my ear.
I am getting better, and this is a very good thing.