Maybe it was just a bump, or a small hill, or maybe a…something like that

This morning it was all OHHELLOIAMMOVINGFASTERTHANYOUAREISTHATANICKELOL!

So, in the interest of we BOTH NEEDED to go to church-it’s been a month due to travel and work and more travel and more work…and it was needed. I took 1/4 a tablet, just a teeny crumb, of Xanax, just enough to smooth the covers or sand the edges or some other euphemism for slowing down a little bit but not so much that I’m drooling, got dressed, and went to church. Got compliments on the dress too, even though I’ve had it for 20 years. Literally. I bought it when CJ was an infant and his 21st birthday is in 11 days.  Gotta love the classics.

Church was…nice. People missed us. They came up and asked where we’d been.  That was…it’s difficult to explain but it was very, very nice. The songs were good, the sermon was…kinda…well it wasn’t horrible and I took notes so my mind wouldn’t wander. Other than a jumpy leg, and a need to sit near the out door in case I had to OUT in a hurry (which didn’t happen), it was as if it were a perfectly normal Sunday on a perfectly normal July and I was (were?) a perfectly normal person.

Then we went to the local El Sombrero (not bad Mexican if you don’t compare it to, say, Brownsville Tx, Mexican) and as we were leaving I realized it was time for the crumb of Xanax to wear off and I should start feeling scatty. Then I remembered that, for some reason, a full meal (not cheese and crackers or half an egg sandwich, like I’d been eating for the past few days) is calming. Terry opined that perhaps my brain got busy managing digestion and quit with the pointless anxiety for a while.  Then I remembered also that, if I can catch it early enough, a fat rare steak (a ribeye does nicely) will have the same effect on a depression. If I start feeling the slide downhill, and eat a solid 8-12 oz steak, that depression will give up and slide back in it’s hole.

You would think, after all these years of dealing with this mess, I’d remember that. But having the attention span of a gnat means that fixing a real meal with real food and plenty of high quality protein is kind of…difficult.

Which is why God invented restaurants.

I am going to conduct a little experiment this week: Solid meals, a high protein breakfast, a lunch with plenty of raw vegs, and a high protein supper, good snacks in between (fruit most likely) and lots of water (which I drink lots of anyway, what with kidneys and all), and see if my moods straighten out and fly right.  I admit to not eating that well. It’s not like I am at the fast food eating McGreasy all the time, but I do tend to grab a bite here, maybe a glass of something there,and drink way too much coffee (I know, the kidneys. Hush.)