Adventures in Veterinary Medicine

My Poor Puppy Rusty, (that’s his name now, to be referred to as “PPR)…he has a broken foot. 3 metatarsals in his front left foot, with nice clean breaks, not displaced (thank goodness, that would have required surgery and pins). The vet showed me the xray, and said he’d put a splint on it. It’s a neat little cup thing that fits over his foot and up the back of his leg, held in place with purple-with-blue-spots bandages. He got a doggie valium for the splinting, and was grooving on it when I picked him up.
“What? No Auburn logo bandage?” I exclaimed.
::blink:: he responded, and quietly pointed to the University of Georgia Veterinary degree hanging on the wall.
“oh well,” I said. “Nobody’s perfect.”
He turned to his office manager and said “Please give this client the Auburn University Special Price.”
“Yessir, Dr. Gary!” she chirped.
Turning to me she said “That’s $260, but with the AU Price, you only have to pay $800, half now and half in 2 weeks!”
I turned to Dr. Gary and said “You know, my father taught at the UGA Vet school for 9 years.”
He said “Why didn’t you say so?” and told his office manager “UGA prices please!”
She rolled her eyes at both of us and said “That’s $190, payable over 4 months, and you get a free packet of Dawg Biskits”

Poor Puppy Rusty is now in the dog bed,gnawing on a chunk of leg bone, The other dogs are perched around him, like a trio of vultures, waiting for him to choke on the bone so one of them can grab it.

PPR is a Flea Magnet. That is a special type of dog that, for some reason, fleas are more attracted to than typical. Since we got him, there have been very few fleas on the other dogs (even without the normal weekly shampoo or dip) and he requires a bath every other day, and is STILL covered up with the a few hours later. I mean, really, 100 fleas on this poor thing. So, I figured he needed something more effective. Dr Gary put him on Comfortis, kind of pricey for 4 dogs (at $18 a month per dog), but he felt like, given PPR’s body chemistry, maybe just putting him on it would work. He’ll keep them off the other dogs, and when the fleas get on him they die. So, 4 hours after giving him the tablet (once a month like heartworm stuff), I checked him over and found some fleas…BUT…they were all DEAD! Awesome 🙂

The Next Day

He shall now be known as That Little Shit (or TLS).
You see, the veterinarian, Dr. Gary, prescribed TLS some pain pills. Nothing strong, he assured me, just something to help, an NSAID, like Doggie Motrin (dogs can’t take real Motrin, it will shut their kidneys down).
“Give him some at bedtime, it will help him sleep comfortably”
phphpht. Give him some at bedtime. It will help him sleep comfortably. My aunt’s ass.
Rusty, That Little Shit. I gave him the pill and he seemed to start seeing things. He was laying on the bed, then sat straight up and was looking around, really alert, like he was following a fly through the air. I didn’t see a fly. Then he started wiffling at the fly.
I decided ok, maybe if I turned out the light he wouldn’t see anything.
So I did, and he laid down, continuing to wiffle.
Eventually he settled down and (I thought) went to sleep.
This was 11 pm. Later than my normal bedtime of 9pm, but hey, I was gonna get to sleep in the next morning!
Ha.
At 1am, he started barking softly and hopping around on the bed.
Great, I thought. He has to use the feckin’ bathroom. I put him on the pee pad, conveniently located in our bathroom. He ran to the door and tried to crawl under it.
Great, I thought. Suddenly he’s developed manners and only wants to pee outside. So I took him downstairs, across the house, and outside. He hopped around the patio, located a golf ball and brought it to me.
He wants to play fetch. At 1am. That little shit.
I said O Hell NO, and took him back to bed.
He laid down and appeared to go to sleep.
2:30am, same thing.
4:20am. Same thing. This time I have the bright idea to get the other dogs out of their crates, to keep him company. I do this, give them all some food, and open the door so they can go outside if they want to.
They don’t want to.
They (all 4 of them) crowd at the bottom of the stairs (there’s a gate there to keep them from coming up) and yodel their disapproval at my absence.
Finally, at 5:15, I came downstairs with a pillow, and got in the recliner to sleep, and slept undisturbed until 9:30. I woke up to find TLS attempting to remove his cast, so was able to get some deep and somewhat sadistic pleasure at snapping The Cone of Shame around his neck. I am also contemplating his lovely curly buff colored fur coat, and how nice it would look as a collar on a tweed cloak.

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About rootietoot

I do what I can.
This entry was posted in dogs!, Good grief, Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Adventures in Veterinary Medicine

  1. Have the T-shirt says:

    Real good thing we love our animals, so many times Emma would have been toast if I didn’t love her so much.

    I think PPR (aka TLS) was trippin’ man.

    • rootietoot says:

      I think he was trippin’ too. Good thing is wasn’t a bad trip, last thing I’d need was a skeered dawg in the middle of the night. Now he’s sound asleep and I want to stand over his crate and howl.

  2. kaylen says:

    Dogs seem to be way more expensive than cats. I know so many people who have spent thousands on their dog. I’ve only taken my 6 yr old cat to the vet twice, ever. Your vet sounds fun though!
    Your dog…sounds like a mess. 🙂

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