Busy day ahead. Church from 10 to 2-ish, then moving CJ into his apartment! It’s 4th Sunday at church, which means a tasty potluck lunch after the service and I was called and asked to give my testimony which makes me a little bit nervous, tho speaking in front of a crowd doesn’t bother me, it’s just I tend to ramble sometimes and Terry will be at work so he can’t give me subtle cues like flapping his hands or throwing a balled up napkin at my head. Anyway, the testimony thing- no big deal. Sometimes i wish I had a Huge Thing to tell like how I used to be a prostitute or a member of the Mafia then Found God and now I’m a housewife with 4 kids and some cats. and dogs…but then again maybe it’s best that *isn’t* my history because there’s this strange competiton amongst some factions of the Christian Church that is all about “well my sins were bigger than yours so I am more Saved than you are” and that’s totally not my case. Oh sure there’s a big of grubbiness in my history, who doesn’t have that? But it’s low grade-grubbiness, like the kind where you have to take off your shoes so you don’t walk poo onto the carpet, not the kind where you really ought to spend a couple of months in a decontamination unit to make sure you don’t infect the rest of the town with Ebola.
It’s funny (funny-peculiar, not funny ha-ha, unless you’re me then it’s totally funny ha-ha but that’s because things I think are funny aren’t what the rest of the world thinks funny) to get in a group of Christians who then start in on how they were Saved. There’s this whole one-upmanship thing with sin.
“I was a terrible sinner!” Christian 1 will say, “I drank too much and slept with my boyfriend one night BEFORE we were married!”
Ooh ahh the rest of us would say.
“Oh I slept with THREE men before I got married!” Christian 2 replies.
OOH AAH the rest of us would sayl
“Oh that’s nothing! (insert long account of the 6 months as a BDSM tourist)” Third one says.
etc, and each account is apparently a little more heinous than the last. Y’know, the more God has to forgive you for, the more forgiven you are, apparently.
Forgetting entirely that PRIDE is the thing Jesus got the most pissed at. And these accounts feel like PRIDE to me. Tho I am not Jesus and I am mighty glad they have repented and been forgiven, this whole “More Forgiven Than Thou” attitude kind of grates on my nerves.
And so, my boring and not very dramatic conversion experience and testimony about how it changed my life will be short and sweet. And boring like a bowl full of cornflakes, but there it is. I am glad that it happened, that my world view has changed because of it, and that it totally threw up there that PRIDE was my biggest flaw, pride in my Good Girl life, pride in my heritage (what does that matter, anyway?) pride in my abilities (gifts I did not earn to begin with), and in the process of the recognition of my salvation, the PRIDE was removed. I still have many flaws,and yes, pride is still there, but now I can recognize it for what it is, and smack it down. Humility is where it’s at, and I’m not so good at that, but there’s an example of humility I can look to and emulate…when I can get past the pride, that is.