pass the tissues plz

I won’t say I’m a slave to my hormones. Well, not much. Ok maybe some but not always. I mean. I try very hard to be sensible and logical and stuff. Sigh
Yesterday was hard. It was PMS day. Most of the time when it’s PMS Day I get really cranky and snarly and dammit just give the the F!&@!!en cheetoes and leave me the hellalone where’s mah gun I feel like shootin somefin. 9 times out of 10 that’s my attitude.

Then there’s the 1 time out of 10. Like yesterday. I had prayer group and I knew, given all the mess going on, I had to go. So I equipped Loanergirl and #4 with popcorn and movies and a jug of iced tea, instructed them on not answering the phone or opening the door to anyone, and gave them my cell number. And went to Prayer group. And cried. and cried. and embarrassed myself by crying some more.

I hate that. See, the way it works, we go around in a circle, in an orderly fashion. The thing is, we approach God like this:
First, adoration: essentially, ‘Thank You Go, for being in control and all’
Then, confession: essentially, “God, please forgive me for being a schmuck’
Then, petition, which we only do once we’ve confessed: ‘God, please help them and me’
Normally I am fine. I can go through the litany, I have in my head what I am grateful, guilty and in need of before I ever get there. We spend some time before discussing our issues so we know what to pray for with everyone else, things like who’s traveling, who lost their job, who had something wonderful happen, it’s cathartic and really confidential…we can discuss anything because there’s an agreement that it won’t leave the room.

Yesterday tho…I was a soggy mess. With the adoration, it was “Oh God…blublublu…*sniff*” then with the confession “Dear lord forgiiiiivve meeee blublublu…*sniff*” and forget the petition entirely. I mean…yes, there were things. but I was incoherent and good grief. Fortunately, God being God and all, He knew exactly what I was (not) talking about. Which was nice, even if no one else in the room knew. I wasn’t talking to them exactly, anyway.

But I hate extreme and public displays of emotion. Oh yes, they all knew what all is going on here. They know Terry’s issues with work, they know the mess I’ve been through with the kids, all that. They KNOW. and have been through it themselves. They also go throughthe same soggy stuff I do…one woman in particular… every couple of months Prayer group hits on her PMS day and she’s all weepy and we sort of laugh at her but understand, and everyone did the same thing with me (except Ms Jenny who’s 87 and patted my back and said “Honey, one day you’ll get through menopause and won’t have to worry about being so emotional. It has been the best thing for me.”) I am really thankful that it’s not some megachurch group with 150 people in it, but instead it’s tiny with just 6 of us.And each of us has cried and been incoherent at least once.

but still. I only had one tissue and was wearing a black skirt so by the end of it the tissue was all shedding lint on my skirt.

sigh.

Even this morning…still feeling a little weepy. However, there is a promise I made Loanergirl…something about the mall and new pajamas and some hard-core shopping. *That* I am looking forward to, o yes.