I’m tense and anxious. I don’t know why. Usually I can look at things going on in life and winkle out a reason for the sweaty palms and dry mouth. Right now I can’t and it’s been going on for 3 days. I’ve ignored it, and gone about business. This includes driving to Alabama to pick up #4 from his 6 weeks vacation with grandparents. I’ve missed him and it will be good to have him home. I also picked up Loaner Girl for a couple of weeks. Feminine company! She and I are going to do some cooking; some shopping, probably; most definitely some sleeping late and watching of girly movies.
But I don’t know why with the anxiety. Terry’s work is in a sort of a flux. Maybe that’s it. Changes are afoot with #4 starting a new school, maybe that’s it. Normally changes like that don’t affect me this way tho. Sure, there’s a touch of anxiety but not like this. This is a ‘medication required’ sort. Yes, I have the medication, but first it needs to be determined that the anxiety is an internally caused thing (one of those brain chemistry issues) and not an environmentally induced thing…y’know…life.
It kinda sucks being a slave to chemistry, whether it’s internal brain chemistry or Big Pharm, but on the other hand it’s really nice to know that I *can* do something about it, instead of just sitting there in a mental stew.
Today I am thinking, since this has been going on for a solid 3 days now, that Xanax is in order. I’m running low on it, but this is what the stuff is for, after all. I am tired of my hands sweating and shaking. Tired of the dry mouth and feeling of unnamed panic. It’s one thing when you can put a finger on why it’s happening (there’s a rhino charging at me!!), something else entirely when all evaluations say “All’s well, have a glass of tea” yet you still feel like screaming and running in circles. Hopefully with #4 and Loaner Girl here I’ll be distracted enough to shove it all to the back of the mind, for dealing with later, or maybe it will go away on it’s own while it’s being ignored.