The hangover

No, not that kind. I’ve learned my limits where the alcohol is concerned and haven’t had a hangover in DAYS! Kidding…it’s been weeks.

Anyway, the worst hangover comes fom stress. Any kind, good or bad, makes me feel weird for days once it’s resolved. Heck of it is, it’s never completely resolved. Just about the time one thing gets settled, half a day goes by where I’m all *whew* then something else happens. It’s the price of being human, I reckon.

Is there anyone out there who sails along peacefully, never screwing up, no peculiar circumstances happening, nothing much going on except maybe a hangnail? I was reading another blog and he said this:

“Everyone else just seems so… externally stable. While I know internally I’m pretty much like a rocking ship…”

Yes. That’s me. I look at other people’s lives, all smiles and flower petals and I feel like broken glass inside. And the breaking is ALL MY FAULT.

One of my serious beefs with Christian Literature(ok if you can call it that, so much of it is absolute tripe, but then it’s not because it’s Christian, there’s plenty of secular tripe out there as well) is the recurring theme of Main Character Is Good. MC Is Hurt. MC Leaves God. MC Finds Redemption. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for redemption. I love the stuff. HOWEVER. The Main Character leaves God because some outside force hurts him/her. I have YET to see a main character who wanders away, does shit because s/he wants to, or maybe never knew God to begin with and did shit, THEN is redeemed. No. The action is always from an outside source, Not Their Fault. A child is killed, or the MC is horribly abused as a child, or something…just not something that they did to themselves. I resent that. Sometimes things happen to people through their own actions, and the person carries the guilt from that. I think that could be a far heavier burden that dealing with the anger toward someone who wronged you. Anyway, that’s part of my issue with feeling hangovers, remembering stuff.

So, when I am stressed, let’s say it’s from Kid Issues (I won’t call names but his initials are CJ, 4 years ago it was Will, 5 years from now it may be #4), or work issues, or “how do we get started selling our house” issues or even stuff having to do with NOTHING but I still fret…and things settle a bit, like this:
Spring Break for CJ this week, nothing I can do with CJ this week, put it on the back burner
Nothing I can do with Terry’s work, things seem to be normalizing a little bit, back burner
House, fantasize about smaller one, look at plans, I don’t have but 2 back burners, I’ll put it on the side simmer burner.
Other Stuff, resolved. Set it on the side to cool.

But I’m still hungover. A little shaky, a little cranky, a little hungry (why does it make me hungry? I’m on the west side of size 16 heading East and I LIKE it) but I can see some peace ahead, provided SOMETHING doesn’t happen to screw things up. Which I am totally expecting, because it’s like those people who get smacked so often they flinch when someone lifts a hand. I see a particular stress related event or person coming and I clench my jaw and wait for the worst.

Today, however, is going to be an exercise in stress relief, a hangover remedy of sorts, provided the clouds clear like they’re supposed to.
Tybee Island, a short drive from here, with friends and kids. Provided the rain clears. I may take them anyway because they’re both very excited about going.


About rootietoot

I do what I can.
This entry was posted in *whinge*, Dewicate feewings, Good grief. Bookmark the permalink.

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