Here we go again.
When things in my life change, they never dribble it. It’s not a wee change here and a little bit there. It’s WHOOM! Like God says "ok, hon, we’re going to go ahead and change everything all at once because why not? Change is change might as well get it all out of the way at the same time." Then I say "God, I’m ok with dribbles, really I am. Dribbles would be fine."
But, after all, He’s God, and my experience with Him is that He knows what He’s doing. I mean, He really hasn’t screwed up yet. My job is to take what He’s doing and figure out what I’m supposed to learn from it, how I can use it in the future in a way that He’d like, all that.
Right now I’m at the first peak of the roller coaster, I’ve been racheting up for 4 years, slowly and surely, and now I’m just about at the top where I can tell something big is about to happen, so my pulse quickens and I start to wonder what it’s going to feel like. Thing is, the track kind of goes into a tunnel so I can’t really *see* what’s about to happen, I only know that it is. This is the part where I have to trust that He’s in control of it and I’m not going to fly off and crash. That’s the hard part. However, I’ve been through tunnels before, and as much as I hate the uncertainty, He’s never crashed me before. Plenty of swoops and twists in that tunnel, but I’ve always come out the other side still on the track.
Time to take a deep breath, make some lists (I love lists, they are my handle on reality), buy some paint (I love to paint, it’s a tangible thing, painting a room or some baseboards), maybe plant a few bushes (I love planting bushes, it makes the yard look better). If I can focus on the small things, the BIG PICTURE won’t overwhelm me. I tried the BIG PICTURE thing last time we moved, and wound up sitting in the backyard, rocking with my head on my knees and Terry thinking I’d had some kind of psychotic break.
SO, today, because The Loaner Girl a.k.a. The Princess is here (Lord love her, I don’t think I could have made it through yesterday without her), we’re going to sew, watch Little House on the Prairie, sew some more, pick some flowers, maybe take a walk…I don’t know…but today is All About Her. I’m also going to write her mother and tell her we’ve moved to an Undisclosed Location and she won’t ever be able to find us, because I am keeping her. JerseyChick CANNOT have The Princess back. Sorry JC.