Dietary Redonk

(to borrow a word from Cute Overload)

Here’s the situation. I’m a bit overweight, by say, 50 pounds. High blood pressure, kidney disease, high triglycerides, but the cholesterol’s ok. Now, for the kidney disease I’m supposed to cut out the salt and potassium. Essentially that means limited vegetables,no leafy greens, no whole grains or nuts,no potatoes or tomatoes or oranges, limited protien (say, 3 oz a day of meat), and absolutely NO dairy. I am allowed all I want of white bread, white rice, white pasta, cruciferous veg (cabbage, broccoli, etc) and apples. HOWEVER, due to the high triglycerides, I am not allowed to eat white bread, white pasta or white rice. I am supposed to eat lots of high fiber whole grains, nuts, leafy greans.

So, boil it all down and I can have all the cabbage and apples I want, with a piece of meat the size of a deck of cards once a day. This is the New Rootie Diet. Cabbage and apples, and vitamins because…because I’m not allowed anything that’s actually delicious or high fiber or…y’know…GOOD for you.

So, I whined long and loud to the Good Dr. Courage, about the whole low potassium thing in particular. He said I could allow myself 1 half cup serving of whole grains a day. That being, 1 slice of bread, OR 1/2 cup of brown rice, OR 1/2 cup of any other whole grain like oats or whatever. I could have sushi if I didn’t have the nori. Ok, sushi without the nori is like a sandwich without the bread. HUH?!

And, I cheat. I have potatoes. And cheese. And bacon (bacon’s like..The Devil. High sodium, high fat, might as well just shoot my veins with pure cholesterol). And a spinach salad. Once a week I have each one of these things. Sometimes all in the same day, then I sit down and wait to die. The next day I try to atone for my dietary sins by eating cabbage and white rice and apples. And you know what? It’s worth it. A baked potato with cheese and bacon on it, a spinach salad with an egg and some bottled high salt dressing, and oh glory, Mandarin oranges. Fine then, if I die I’m going to die satisfied. Throw in some sex and I’ll die happy.

The good news is this: I’ve lost weight. It’s really not hard to lose weight if the only things you can eat are nasty and boring. My clothes are all quite loose, for the first time in probably 8 years I’ve dropped below 200 pounds. I have a couple of corsets, very comfortable things they are, keeping the back straight and the boobs perky. I put one on the other day, and…it’s too loose. Even laced up as tight as it would go I kinda rattled around in it. Lordy, I’m going to need all new clothes this spring. I reckon it’s time to break out the sewing machine and find a coupla patterns I like.

SO, if anyone’s interested in losing weight, that’s how it’s done. Only eat food you don’t like, and don’t put salt on it, then you’ll only eat a little bit until you get so bored with it you give up and go do something else.


About rootietoot

I do what I can.
This entry was posted in Dewicate feewings, Disease and infirmity and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Dietary Redonk

  1. SuperBee says:

    LOL. I’m sorry to laugh at your pain… and I know how awful this restrictive diet must be… but once you shed the pounds that you packed on from the pills (I packed on 40 lbs when I went on ’em) maybe you can eat what you want again?

    And in the meantime… enjoy the weight loss? Are you feeling more energized yet?

    • rootietoot says:

      definitely more energized. Why just now I built an outdoor kitchen. As for enjoying it, none of my clothes fit. My pants are falling off. I need new everything but am wary of buying anything in case I lose more. I am clueless, because I *don’t* buy clothes.

      • SuperBee says:

        You’re probably gonna lose some more weight… and until you level off, that’s what belts are for! (And also, you know how to sew, so you can take some things in…)

        There’s a positive in this, so focus on the good! Less weight on yer new hips! The opportunity to buy yerself some new clothes! I know you stick to traditional stuff, which doesn’t really get outdated, but maybe it’ll give you an excuse to supplement what you have with some new colors. šŸ™‚

        Whenever I’ve had a stressful week or have been sick, it’s the one consolation, when I get on the scale and see that I’ve dropped 5 pounds… I know I’m gonna just eat it right back on, but for that week, when I can get into some Penguin shorts I haven’t worn in a while… it’s semi-awesome.

  2. Bella Rum says:

    “…then I sit down and wait to die.” LOL

    I seriously don’t know how you do this. Will you have to do it forever? I’m sure you’re losing weight on this. At least there’s that. Please tell me you don’t have to do this forever.

    • rootietoot says:

      well, hopefully the kidneys will recover. If that happens I can return to the leafy greens and potatoes. Once the weight drops the blood pressure should also go down and maybe I can start in with a bit of salt. I’ll probably always have to watch the salt, but that’s ok.

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