Because it really is personal…

To clarify: by ‘Low Mainentance’ I don’t mean in the philosophical sense, as one of those girlfriends a fellow never has to buy for, and is happiest watching football and providing endless nachoes for the boyfriend’s buddies. Oh no, not that kind at all.

I define ‘low mainentance’ as being able to walk in from the backyard, after having spent 1-1/2 hours cutting grass and developing a pungent aroma, and 15 minutes later being ready for a date. Mind you, not a date to the Opera, or a meal at Four Seasons, but a date nonetheless. Yes, in a mere 15 minutes, I showered, dressed and fixed my hair (thank you, Nathan, for a terrific cut!) and am all set to meet #3 at the theater for 90 minutes of mayhem.

Low Mainentance means, to me, a no-fuss approach to living. I don’t wear makeup. My reasoning is this: If I never wear it, and everyone is used to seeing me without it, then no one thinks I’m ill if they see me without it. It’s just Rootie, who never wears makeup. I’m outside and all enough that my skin has a bit of a tan, so there’s no pastiness involved. My undereye dark circles are hidden by tinted glasses, and lipstick does nothing for me at all. Chapstick, maybe, if it’s been dry, but colored lipstick makes me feel clownish.

I have a friend, whom I like very, very much, who never ever leaves the house without a full face of makeup. She is quite pretty and does a fine job with it, but one day, her kids were sick, and I ran into her at the store, sans makeup. She honestly looked like she’d climbed out of a crypt, all because I was unused to seeing her looking anything less than perfect.

I do not iron my clothes. In this climate, that would be silly. Most of what I wear is either linen, cotton, or a blend of the 2. Wrinkle heaven, to be sure. But iron? Why? Go outside in this humidity and 15 minutes later the clothes look exactly as they did before you ironed. A pointless exercise, to be sure. If the clothes are egregiously wrinkled, due to being forgotten in the bottom of a laundry basket for a couple of days, just go outside in this humidity and 15 minutes later… you get the picture. Wrinkled clothes are cooler, as well.
Ha. Even Eva Longoria does it.

Think of seersucker. It’s what every man over the age of 50 wears around here. It’s cotton, and it’s cool. It has built in wrinkles that keep the fabric away from your skin and airflow ensues. I apply that same methodology to linen and cotton. It’s cool outside in the 95 degrees, and keeps you from freezing at the movie theater where they inexplicably keep the thermostat set on “meat locker”.

My hope is to be a 1-woman fashion statement. By eschewing the makeup, which is quite uncomfortable in my climate (have you ever seen what happens to foundation when you sweat? You look like your face is sliding off), and keeping the iron hidden behind the spare rolls of toilet paper, I hope to start a fashion revolution that frees women up from the tyranny of being gorgeous for no apparent reason, and causes humanity to realize that a happy and comfortable woman is the most beautiful one of all.

Well, ok, so Eva Longoria beat me to it, but it’s nice to know I’m not alone in this fight.