Because it really is personal…

I’m not a very *religious* person. I am uncomfortable in a church, and I don’t tend to call on the Name of God, out loud and publically. I’m uncomfortable with the language of the Southern Christian, with it’s “blessings” this and “just calling on the name of Jesus” that. I get that people find comfort in the syntax, and that there’s something of a Secret Handshake kind of sensibility, when 2 people meet at Walmart and call out their Blessings From The Lord to each other.

Ok that all came out much more sarcastic sounding than I intended it to. But the fact it, I really don’t see every single thing as a blessing. To me, “blessing” implies special favor, and I truly don’t believe God calls down special favors on people, just because they believe He exists. If that were the case, why would John Travolta be rich, and a family I know, who deeply believe in the love of Jesus, be so poor? I think in part it’s because God does bless people, but not with money or fame or even special abilities (until after they receive the Holy Spirit, then there are some abilities…). Frankly, I see life as something of a game of chance. You get this set of parents, or that one. You get an ability to learn languages, or perfect pitch, or glossy hair. It’s chance, not God passing out cosmic skittles and you get the yellow ones. Blessings from God, I believe, come in the form of peace of mind, or comfort in a hard time, or having the right words come to you when you need them. Psychological strength sorts of things, those are blessings.

I had a friend call me today. We talked about my upcoming trip to see the grandparents, and she asked if my Grandfather was at peace with God, and ready to pass on. I doubt it, I told her. In fact, I am pretty sure he isn’t. So she asked if she could pray for him, and for me going there to see him. It was a wonderful, uplifting thing, and I am comforted knowing she’s conversing with God, asking humbly for my peace of mind and Grandads comfort in his soul. She was a blessing just now. She said the words that gave me some backbone and comfort. Blessings.

For all my lack of religiousity, I love a good prayer. I do it all the time, alone in my house with just God for companionship. I can’t pray out loud- I’ve never been able to do that. But, in my head, it’s an easy and comforting thing. I’ve solved many problems by asking for guidance in a prayer. You can bet I will be praying all the way from Atlanta to Amarillo on Friday. I have no idea what I am getting into, or how I am going to handle whatever it is that happens. I’m asking for guidance, and strength, and compassion. I am asking that I can be a blessing to my grandparents, to give them comfort and peace of mind.

*sigh*

We’ll see how it goes, then. I’ll count my blessings and thank God for them.