Because it really is personal…

So, #3 and I had a “come to Jesus” meeting, after a Dwamatic Conversation involving the ruts in my yard and pinecones.. I let him air his greivances, and I aired a few of my own. He agreed to be more obedient and I agreed to treat him with more respect, less like a little kid and more like the adult he’s learning to be.

I admit to having a caustic tongue. Sarcasm slips out of my mouth without even thinking. He does not respond well to that sort of treatment, and reacts by treating me with contempt, which leads to more sarcasm, and the wheel goes round and round and the wheel goes round and round.

I think the lack of respect is endemic in our household. #2 is stellar at being condescending, especially to me and to #3. #3 salves his ego by being more mechanically inclined, and by wearing his pride like a suit of armor. I am so used to being held in contempt that I also wear a suit of armor, one made of thick scales of sarcasm. I don’t know if the lack of respect is something of “familiarity breeds contempt”, or a gender-based thing. Sweet Daddio doesn’t treat me like that, so I know the boys didn’t learn it from him. SD is so used to being The Man of the House that anything besides unquestioned authority isn’t to be considered. I am so used to going along with him, even when I disagree, that I do, because it’s easier than trying to explain what I’m thinking.

Maybe it’s internal, something I set myself up for because I am lacking in self-respect to some degree. Sometimes I wonder if my lack of education and career contribute to their opinion of me, the “little woman”, some kind of drone here to make the household run smoothly and see to it they all have clean shorts and a supper on the table.