Because it really is personal…

Begone, Foul Beast!
April 23, 2007, 10:43 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Ok for starters- Sheryl Crow is going to limit us to 1 square of toilet paper per visit. What is she? A goat who poops little black beans? Who died and made her God’s Honest Authority on the enviroment? Sheryl honey, stick to music, kthnx.

So, today I went to StuffMart for lightbulbs and chicken. (What a world we live in!). When I came out, I noticed the beginnings of commotion over next to one of the buggy corrals. 3 grown men, members of the Buggy Crew were shouting and waving their arms around. One broke loose and ran full steam to the store.

“Huh.” I thought. “Must be a dead body or a rabid dog.” So I put my stuff in the car and wound my way through parking lot, as I watched more grown men, in various states of alarm, arrive at the offending buggy corral.

Eventually there were 6 men, in a large circle around a cluster of buggies. There were managers in their khakis and oxford cloth, and regular working joes in their orange Cart Crew t-shirts, watching one manager who apparently decided someone needed to take control of the situation and Do Something.

Since he had a shovel, I assumed the issue involved something dead. Every now and then, one of the watchers would flinch and jump back, so I concluded maybe it wasn’t dead. What was it? An alligator? A bewildered Snowbird, lost on his way home? *SMACK* went the guy with the shovel…

Shouting and jumping back commenced, waving of arms and general hysteria (in a manly sort of way, of course)

By this time I found my way past the cluster, and saw the source of the alarm.

It was a snake. It was not a 13 foot long anaconda. Nor was it a 6 foot canebrake rattler or a water moccasin the diameter of my arm. No. It was a 2 foot long garter snake, more scared of them than they were of it. And yet, it took 6 grown men to subdue the beast. “Holy Mother of God will you look at that BEAST!” I shouted out the window as I drove by. They were not amused. I was, tho.


The Monday Melee
April 23, 2007, 7:34 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.
How people seem to think that just because *they* have all kinds of free time that everyone else should as well.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.
Push up bras. They’re hot and itchy and no one but the person wearing it is fooled. Besides, what 40 something mother of 4 has boobs like that? I mean, real boobs like that.

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.
How people seem to think that just because *they* have all kinds of time I should as well. I think I said that already.

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.
Sweet Daddio, for putting on his game face and coming to the family reunion even though I’m not so sure I’d have done the same if I were in his shoes. He was TARRED.

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.
I have pretty hair, soft, straight and glossy

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.
A week at the beach with my family and a maid. The maid is important because who wants to go on vacation and have to do laundry and cleaning anyway?


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