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A statement of belief
Here’s what I believe, with explanations so you won’t throw things at me.
1.I believe abortion should be made obsolete. I am not so naive as to think it will go away, but I think this world should be such that it is no longer considered necessary.
2. Homosexual, heterosexual, pansexual…eh. Pick your relationships based on compatibility, not on location of private parts.
3.Feminists are all hairy-legged dykes. *SCREEECH* ok I threw that one in to get your attention. Feminists come in all shapes and sizes and orientations. Just like everyone else. I’m still not real sure I qualify as one.
4. I DEEPLY resent being called a breeder, especially by the very demographic that shouts loudly about reproductive rights and how poor women have every right to 9 kids they can’t afford, yet, because I’m an upper middle class conservative Christian with 4 kids, I am labeled a “breeder”. That sticks in my craw. I CHOSE to have 4 kids. One of them was not “planned” and yet, I CHOSE to have him. I CHOSE to have my tubes tied, even though many people in my demographic believe I was trying to play God and that it’s my obligation to give birth to as many people as possible. Dang it! I can’t please anyone!
Have you noticed how so many of our issues today, whether is sexual orientation, the mutilation of little girls genitals, abortion rights, whatever, all boils down to sex. It seems to me, the easiest way to solve this problem is to eliminate sex entirely, except for reproductive purposes maybe 3 or 4 days a month. Yeah. If only people who could care for their children at a certain pre-determined level were allowed to have sex, problems solved, right? And since I am a Conservative Christian W/Minivan, I will determine the criteria. Because I have *Gawd* on my side.
Criterion The First: Income level >$50,000/ yr (because people making less than that can’t afford a house with 2 bathrooms and a fenced yard…oh wait…SD was making $14,000/ yr when #1 was born, and $24,000 w/#2, and $35,000 w/#3. I guess we’ll have to give them back.) Ok. Scratch that.
Criterion the Second: Potential parents (note…2 parents, not 1, no sperm bank recipients need apply, nor homosexuals no matter how much they earn) must pass a carefully designed psychological evaluation, guarenteeing mental stability and an unselfish attitude. Oh…wait….I’m manic depressive and have a bad habit of hogging the cookies. Oh well. Might as well let gays have kids, too. Everyone knows they make more than anyone else.
Criterion the Third: This goes along with the income level and general suitability. Potential parents (note the plural) must be over 25 and employed in the same job for more than 3 years. It is advisable, though not required, that one parent work and the other (preferably female) stay home and be a Mommy. Dang…there I go again. I was 22 when #1 was born, and SD changed jobs when #1 was 6 months old. Er… and I worked. Outside the home. For pay. I’m a baaad baaaad Mommy.
Well. Maybe I’m not so qualified after all. I guess I’ll just go an watch a Soap Opera and do something selfish…. Oh…rats…that makes me a Bad Christian Mother. If I were a Good Christian Mother I’d have my days so filled with catering to the whims of my husband and children that there’s be no time for Soaps! In Fact! I’d get up at 4 am for Devotional Time, and stay up til Midnight knitting afghans for orphans. But only Christian Orphans, who would appreciate them. None of these icky ethnic types that smell like curry. But, since I am NOT a Good Christian Mother, I’ll drink a martini to relax and read a book with heaving bosoms and rippling pectorals on the cover. But just for tips, not because I actually enjoy that stuff.